


Lockdown at Fowl Manor

by LibraFolie



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: #Millennial Artemis, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But also plot, Consent, Drinking, Environmentalism, Erotica, F/M, Quarantine inspired, Romance, Sexual Tension, Smut, Unlikely Pairings, angsty Artemis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:01:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28363596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraFolie/pseuds/LibraFolie
Summary: When Artemis Fowl II is called back to Fowl Manor for an urgent mission, he finds himself stuck in a luxury bunker with Juliet Butler. Will he begin to see his former bodyguard’s sister in a new light?
Relationships: Artemis Fowl II & Holly Short, Artemis Fowl II/Original Female Character(s), Domovoi Butler & Artemis Fowl II, Juliet Butler/Artemis Fowl II
Comments: 12
Kudos: 15





	1. Rendezvous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome to my quarantine guilty pleasure. 
> 
> I suppose some kind of explanation is in order. This is an AU in that it is wildly inconsistent with canon in terms of Artemis’s young adulthood. In this version, the Fowls still live at Fowl Manor, and Artemis has somewhat declared independence from the family by moving to Oxford for a D.Phil (i.e., coast through the program while conducting his own research). He is also dealing with his separation from the fairy world. Also the Fowls have a bunker, and Juliet has moved back to Ireland and become a fitness instructor. 
> 
> Anyway. I hope you enjoy.

Professor Martha Beacher, Ph.D., surveyed the young man sitting across the desk from her. He had thick, raven-black hair, pale skin, and large, clever eyes that were staring back at her expectantly. He was of an average height, perhaps a bit shorter, but his slender build only emphasized his youth. He invariably wore a suit to their meetings, which was just one of his many peculiarities. Today he sported a navy suit jacket over a sky-blue button-down shirt and khaki pants, which was about the most flamboyant thing she’d ever seen him in. He must have been excited about the arrival of spring.

“Well, Artemis,” the professor said. “You’re two months away from graduating as the youngest Doctor’s in Philosophy student the Oxford Environmental Change Institute has ever seen. You submitted your dissertation a year early, and it has already been cited over twenty thousand times.” She was a bit jealous of that one. “I must congratulate you on all that you have accomplished during your time at Oxford. So tell me, have you given any thought as to what you’d like to do after graduation?”

“In fact, I have,” Artemis said with his beguiling smile. Her young advisee knew how to turn on the charm when it suited him, that she had learned. “The past three years have been incredibly fruitful for me. I’ve found a passion in environmental research, and I feel I still have much to contribute to the Institute. I would be honored to have the opportunity to join the faculty here.”

Professor Beacher let out a laugh despite herself. Artemis Fowl was an exceptional student, maybe even a prodigy. But, well, this was rather ridiculous. “As I’ve said, it’s truly remarkable that you will be graduating with your DPhil at the age of twenty-two. You have much to be proud of.” She considered the most delicate way to put this. “The process of securing so much as a postdoc at Oxford is… extremely competitive, much less a tenured position. Perhaps it would benefit you to take a few years to gain some real-world experience.”

Artemis resisted the urge to roll his eyes. In addition to his assorted patents, consultancies, and highly successful stock portfolio, he had befriended fairies, apprehended trolls, time-traveled, saved his father from the Russian mafiya, and defeated an evil pixie, thus literally saving the world. _What kind of real-world experience are you looking for, Martha?_

But he knew it would be useless to argue. “Of course, Professor Beacher, I understand,” he said with a tight smile. “How’s your book going?”

Professor Beacher blinked, taken aback yet again. “It’s coming along nicely,” she said. “It’s expected to be published in September.”

“Lovely,” Artemis said crisply. “But what about Professor Aila Levy at Tel Aviv University, whose book on the same topic is coming out in May?”

His advisor’s face fell. “I haven’t heard about this book.”

“Of course, she has only told her close colleagues and friends,” Artemis said lightly. “I can connect the two of you if you’d like.” He looked down at his watch. “I’m so sorry, I have a rendezvous to catch. As always, Professor Beacher, thank you so much for your time.”

Artemis strolled past the ivy-covered buildings of campus, his suit jacket slung over a shoulder. Signs of spring were all around. Signs of climate change, too, but he could still enjoy the smell of the soil after the rain, the tiny blades of grass pushing up from the moist, dark earth, and the bright green tips on the branches.

He made his way towards a tall, beautiful girl with long auburn hair leaning against a stone archway, scrolling through her phone. The sleeves of her crimson sweater were rolled up to her elbows, and she wore a pleated wool skirt over her tights.

She looked up at him with striking amber eyes. “How was your meeting?”

Artemis placed a hand on her back and kissed her. “Informative,” he said with a smile. He caught her hand in his and the two strode off together across the lawn.

“How was class?” said Artemis. “Been enjoying Keats?”

“Surprisingly dull, considering the professor is old enough to have met the poet himself,” Victoria quipped. “I’m half-expecting him to drop dead in the middle of class one of these days.”

“Well, I certainly hope not. That would be quite alarming.”

“I honestly can’t wait to be done with this place,” Victoria said. “If I have to write one more essay, I think I’m going to vomit.”

“I couldn't agree more.” Actually, Artemis quite enjoyed writing research papers. But Victoria didn’t need to know that. “So you’re looking forward to graduating, then?”

“I suppose you could say that,” Victoria said nonchalantly. “My uncle will probably give me some very boring and very well-paid job at his firm in London. Hardly a thrilling prospect. But at least I’ll be off work at five and can spend my paycheck on more enjoyable endeavors, like clothes and fancy alcohol.”

Artemis made a polite sound of amusement. _His_ life after graduation was much less certain, that much was sure.

They arrived at his dormitory and ascended the stairs to his narrow, Spartan dorm room. Artemis held the door for Victoria as they entered. 

Victoria kicked off her shoes and lounged on his twin bed with a sigh. Artemis sat in the swivel chair next to the desk directly facing the bed.

“And what about you, Fowl?” Victoria propped herself up on her elbow. “What are you going to do after you get out of here? Save the world?”

“Perhaps,” Artemis shrugged. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Well sorry to break it to you,” Victoria said, stretching out on the bed with a yawn, “but the world is going to shit no matter what you do.”

“Ooh.” Artemis winced. “I wish you’d told me earlier. Could have saved me the past three years. And what do you suggest one does in the face of such dire circumstances?”

Victoria began to count off on her fingers. “Major in something moderately interesting. Party as much as possible, and have lots of sex.”

“Well,” said Artemis, cocking his head to the side, “I’ve failed miserably on the second count, but on the other two I think I’ve done tolerably well.”

“There’s always room for improvement,” Victoria said impassively.

“Oh?” Artemis raised his brows. “And how do you suggest one improves?”

Victoria threw a pillow at him. “Practice.”

Artemis feigned a sigh. “You’re probably right. But I’m afraid my schedule is just packed these days. Seriously over-booked. I’m just not sure how I can find the time.”

Victoria rolled her eyes. “Oh shut up, Fowl. We both know you’re in here wanking off half the time.”

“I knew I was forgetting something.” Artemis snapped his fingers. “I already jerked off this afternoon. Sorry… Can I get you anything? Tea, or maybe a biscuit?”

“No, apparently there’s literally nothing you can do for me.” Victoria sat up, smoothing out her skirt.

“No? Well, that’s a shame, then.”

“Not really.” Victoria began to rise. “I’ll just be on my way.”

Artemis stood. “Oh. Sure. I’ll see you to the door.”

As they collided in the narrow space between the desk and the bed, Artemis brought her in for a long, lingering kiss. Softly at first, but then her mouth began to soften, yielding to his tongue as they kissed more deeply.

“Unless you’d like to stay for a while,” he said when their lips finally parted.

“Well,” said Victoria, casting her gaze to the side, “if your schedule allows.”

“I think I can pencil you in.” Artemis guided her back onto the bed, Victoria pulling him on top of her as their lips locked together once more. Artemis could feel the warmth of her body through their clothes as they lay pressed together. Victoria teased her fingers between the buttons of his shirt, unbuttoning them in tortuously slow succession, and his usually clear thoughts became rather muddled as the blood in his brain seemed to travel to… another part.

“Why do you wear such complicated clothes?” Victoria complained once their lips parted.

Artemis furrowed his brow. “That’s hardly fair. I just have a shirt and pants. You’ve got bras and tights and all sorts of things.”

“Well,” Victoria said with a small smirk as she tugged his shirt off of him, “you’d better get on with it then.”

Artemis wasted no time in pulling off her sweater. Today she was wearing a lavender push-up bra that made her breasts look particularly full and sculpted. He brought his hands to her smooth waist as he kissed her from her collarbone, to between her breasts, and down to her navel. His hands traveled up her thighs and under her skirt, relishing her curves before peeling her polyester tights off of her humid skin. Then he parted her knees and settled onto his stomach between them, as Victoria lay back with a sigh.

Artemis pushed her skirt up and kissed her over her dampened panties. His lips were soft as a feather at first; then he began to tease her with his tongue through the thin cotton fabric. Victoria let out a whimper, her squirming hips demanding more.

At last, he obliged her, stretching her panties to the side as he ran his tongue around her clitoris. Victoria moaned with pleasure, pressing her hips up to meet his mouth. He slipped one finger inside of her wet pussy; then two, pressing deeper inside of her as his tongue eagerly explored her every ridge and valley.

Artemis would have gladly made her come this way if she’d wanted. But suddenly she pushed him off of her and pulled him up onto his knees. She impatiently unbuttoned and unzipped his trousers, then tugged them down, along with his striped blue boxers. His cock was already hard, almost at its full height. Gripping the base of his shaft in her hand, Victoria eagerly took his length into her warm, wet mouth. Artemis exhaled sharply, relishing that first heavenly instant of her mouth enveloping him. He watched her work her way up and down his shaft, his cock becoming even more taut. From this vantage point, he had an incredible bird’s-eye view of her full breasts still cupped in her bra. Watching her blow him while her pleated skirt maintained her modesty somehow made it seem all the more filthy, in the best possible way.

Artemis knew he wouldn’t last much longer with this exquisite blowjob; he almost couldn’t bring himself to bring it to an end, but for the other possibilities awaiting them. He put a finger on her chin and gently raised it as she pulled away from his cock. “Shall I get a condom?”

Victoria nodded; Artemis was pleased to note the hunger in her eyes. He hastily disentangled himself from his pants, snatched out a condom from his desk drawer, and tore it open. As he slid it over his shaft, he made sure to pinch the tip to leave room for ejaculate.

Victoria had relieved herself of the remainder of her clothes and was lying on her back on the bed with the air of a forlorn princess. Artemis admired the beautiful naked girl stretched out before him, her soft breasts and her light-brown nipples, her smooth belly, and the gathering of reddish-brown hair just below her navel. He positioned himself on top of her, and their gazes met as he moved her legs apart with his knees. Then he eased his member into her tight, hot pussy, as both of them let out a groan of pleasure. Her hips matched his rhythm as he began to thrust. He kissed her neck just beside her ear, taking in the scent of expensive shampoo as he claimed her.

Victoria grasped his shoulders, bucking her hips harder against his. “Fuck me harder, Fowl,” she said breathlessly into his ear. Artemis was happy to obey her command, the headboard of the standard-issue dorm bed slamming against the wall with each thrust as Victoria let out small, high-pitched gasps. Artemis was at the very edge of his pleasure, and so, it seemed, was Victoria. It took every ounce of his remaining willpower to hold back his climax for a minute longer.

Finally, Victoria grabbed the base of his ass and pulled him deep inside of her as she let out a cry that was almost a sob, her walls constricting around him. Artemis let his orgasm shudder through him, overtaking him with pleasure as he filled her with warm cum.

Both of them were still breathing hard as he collapsed on top of her, Victoria grazing his back with her fingertips. When he’d caught his breath, he sat up, then grabbed a tissue from his desk and slipped the condom off into the bin.

Artemis lay back down next to Victoria, her beautiful breasts still heaving as she gazed at the ceiling, her eyes glazed over with a blissed-out expression. He wrapped an arm around her, caressing the side of her beautiful body. _Stay,_ he silently begged her. _Just a while longer._

But the beatific expression quickly dissipated from Victoria’s face, replaced with one of hardened neutrality. She sat up, clearing her throat, and began studiously locating her clothes from where they’d been strewn around the bed.

They dressed in silence. Whereas they’d been entangled in a close embrace minutes before, now she averted his gaze.

“That was nice,” she said too formally, once she was fully clothed.

“You’re welcome to stay,” Artemis said, knowing full well she wouldn’t, but resolving to play the gentleman until the bitter end.

“I have plans,” Victoria reminded him firmly. Her eyes met his. _We’ve been through this,_ they seemed to say.

And they had. Victoria had made it clear from the start that she didn’t want a relationship. And now that graduation was around the corner, the line seemed all the more important to delineate.

Artemis nodded. “Have a nice night, then.”

“Thanks,” Victoria said shortly.

He held the door to his room for her as she left, something telling him that he shouldn’t follow her any further. Victoria gave him a small wave before she turned and strode down the carpeted hallway.

Artemis closed the door and sank into his desk chair. The silence of the dorm room rang in his ears.

 _It’s better this way,_ he reminded himself. After all, they were graduating in two short months. It would hurt to say goodbye, probably more than he was willing to admit. All the more reason to keep it casual.

 _Casual._ That was not something that Artemis Fowl did well. If there was one thing Victoria had taught him, it was that _casual sex_ was an oxymoron for him. But he wanted her too badly to break it off, even if he knew he was setting himself up for heartbreak. Victoria would likely have no such troubles; after all, she’d been seeing other people on and off over the two years they’d been together. She was better at keeping it casual than he was.

His room was far too quiet, the white walls oppressively sparse on a Friday evening. He slipped his laptop into his leather briefcase and headed back out the door.

* * *

Artemis had arrived at Oxford three years before, at the age of nineteen. He had enrolled directly in his doctoral program at the Environmental Change Institute. Having already saved humanity from Opal Koboi, Artemis had resolved to dedicate his considerable intellect towards mitigating the existential threat of climate change. The program itself was not particularly strenuous, but it was hard to match the considerable resources the university had to offer. He was thinking of taking a year or two to conduct some research on his own after graduation. After that, who knew? Perhaps he would remain in academia for a while, or maybe he would be better off working on his own. While he was at it, he could always pick up another Ph.D. or two.

Overall, Artemis had enjoyed his time at Oxford. He’d spent most of it deep within the university libraries, where he would pick dozens of books off the shelf at a time and immerse himself in them for hours, sometimes until the library closed for cleaning at four in the morning.

On the social front, things were a bit more complicated. Artemis had little interest in sweaty parties or crowded pubs. He had made a few close friends, and had a pleasant rapport with the other students in his program, who were all several years older than he was. All in all, though, it had been hard to determine exactly where he fit in.

And he missed his old friends terribly. Holly, Juliet, Foaly… even Mulch, sometimes. But he missed Butler most of all. Artemis’s relationship with his parents was loving, but distant. Growing up, he’d spent most of his time with Butler. Far more than just his bodyguard, Butler had been his guardian, confidante, chef, accomplice, and friend.

But Artemis had wanted to prove to everyone- especially himself- that he could make it as a regular civilian. His parents had been horrified at the idea of him going off to university without a bodyguard. He hadn’t so much convinced them otherwise as made it clear that he was going forward with his plan whether they liked it or not.

And so, Artemis had discharged his life-long guardian from his service. “You’ve spent the past nineteen years by my side, old friend,” he’d said. “Retire early. Enjoy some semblance of a personal life.”

Butler had looked back at him with mist gathering in his eyes. “I hope this is the right decision, Artemis.”

Artemis had smiled with a confidence he didn’t quite possess. “Don’t worry,” he’d said with a wink, “I promise I’ll stay out of trouble.”

Artemis strode past the ivy-covered buildings of campus, across the lawn, and to the parking lot where his car was waiting. It was a ten-year-old Citroen, just something to get around in while he was at school, and then pawn off or abandon after graduation. At the moment, Artemis didn’t want to be tied down with things like expensive cars. If he did end up in one place for long enough, though, he would get a state-of-the-art electric vehicle with a minimal carbon footprint, fitted with the most cutting-edge features. And it had to be stylish. That was key.

Artemis unlocked the door and sank into the driver’s seat with a heavy sigh. His adolescence had been filled with fairies and magic, and the truest friendships he had ever known. But he couldn't live in the fairy world forever. He needed to find his way in his own world, one way or another.

He contemplated the steering wheel for a long, pensive moment. “Captain Short.”

The shimmering patch of air in the passenger’s seat materialized into his good friend Holly Short. Artemis’s heart leapt when he saw her, but outwardly, he remained collected.

“Artemis,” Holly said with a bittersweet smile. “It’s good to see you.” Holly looked exactly the same as the last time they’d met five years before. But somehow she seemed farther away.

“It’s nice to see you too,” Artemis said evenly. “How long have you been here?”

“Oh, a few hours. I do like to drop in occasionally, you know, just to make sure you’re doing okay.”

Artemis had picked up on that, too, the handful of times he’d noticed her shimmering through the air on campus. An alarming thought occurred to him. “Holly, you didn’t see…”

Holly’s acorn-colored face took on a crimson hue. “Oh,” she said awkwardly. “I left as soon as…”

Artemis shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“She’s really pretty, Artemis,” Holly said earnestly.

“Thanks,” Artemis said. “But she’s not my girlfriend.”

Holly’s eyes widened, filling with a mix of surprise and concern. “But…” She blinked uncomfortably. “I’m sorry. I suppose, fairies usually mate for life, I thought maybe it was the same…”

Artemis tried to smile. “Not always.” Holly looked as if that was perhaps the most heartbreaking thing she had ever heard. Artemis was touched by her innocent views on human relationships, but her pitying expression was making him uncomfortable. “What brings you here, Holly? I know you haven’t just stopped by to say hello.” In fact, he knew she was breaking quite a few rules just by speaking to him.

Holly forced a laugh, but she had a slightly guilty expression. “Right again, Fowl,” she said. “As usual.” She took a deep breath. “We need your help with something.”

“Oh?” Artemis’s ears perked up in spite of himself. _Your fairy days are over, remember?_

“Just for the weekend. You’ll be back on campus in time for your Monday morning classes.”

“Really, Holly, did you memorize my schedule?”

“I didn’t need to, it was sitting on your desk,” Holly retorted.

 _Fair enough._ “I’ll need to hear more before I can agree to it.” In the past, he would have jumped at _any_ adventure with Holly. But he was wary of getting sucked back in to a life he could never have, of being reminded of everything he loved about the fairy world only to end up back in the human world on Monday morning, more confused than ever.

“There’s a certain magical event that only happens every six thousand years,” Holly began. “The Xerxes Comet emits a very particular energy, which blesses every fairy who completes the ritual under its light. And…” She winced. “The view is quite spectacular from Fowl Manor at the moment.”

Artemis sighed theatrically. “And what do you need from me?”

“All we need is for you to extend an invitation to the grounds and… help us make sure that no unwanted visitors show up to crash the ritual,” Holly said innocently.

Artemis’s parents were enjoying their retirement in the south of France at the moment, and his brothers were in boarding school, so technically, the house was empty. “So you want me to throw a magical party while my parents are gone.”

“Something like that.”

Artemis drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. It had been five years, and not a day had gone by that he didn’t miss the fairy world desperately. No doubt Holly had missed their adventures as much as he did. Still, a part of him couldn’t help but feel as if she were teasing him, dangling something in front of him that he could never really have.

But then again, since when had he been able to resist an adventure?

 _Just this once. One last time._ “All right. Let me find my flight.” His thumbs danced across his phone’s keyboard. The next flight to Dublin was in two hours, and it was already packed full. A quick text to his travel agent would solve that problem.

He stuck the key into the ignition, the car spurting to life. “Are you coming to the airport?”

Holly started. “Wait, but… don’t you need to pack?”

“Pack what? I’m going home, aren’t I?”

Holly eyed him suspiciously. “You saw this coming.”

“I had a feeling,” he admitted with a grin. “Why do you think I brought my laptop?”

Thirty minutes later, they were lurching along in a line of cars inching towards London Heathrow. Artemis was still sorting out how he felt at seeing Holly again. Elated, certainly, but also a bit sad, knowing that their time together would be so fleeting. He loved Holly, but he loved her platonically, in a way that he would never love anyone else. She was his Tinkerbell, his muse, his guardian angel- or, fairy. Though they lived separate lives, he knew she would always be with him in one form or another, to the end of his short, Mud Man life.

“I cannot _believe_ you drive this thing,” Holly said with a cough. They were gradually easing back into their usual banter. “This is ancient technology, Mud Man. And it’s destroying the planet.”

“I’m with you there,” Artemis said. Holly had shielded again, so to any onlookers in neighboring vehicles, it would have appeared as if Artemis were talking to himself. “Technology, infrastructure, the economy, power relations- all of it will need to be transformed if we’re going to save the environment. We’re going to need more than just different cars. We’re going to need to completely change our relationship with the rest of the planet.” He just needed to figure out where he fit in.

“I could have told you that. So why are you still driving the car?”

Artemis smiled wryly at her. “Because we still need to get to the airport.”

“So you can board a plane that’s belching more toxins?”

“Do you want me to get back to Fowl Manor or not?”

“Fine,” Holly grumbled.

Holly left him just as he was pulling into long-term parking. “I’ve got to head back to the Lower Elements to make some preparations, but I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Got it,” Artemis said.

“I’ll see you soon,” Holly promised, before the shimmering patch of air floated out of sight.

The traffic had made timing tight. Artemis sprinted to the check-in counter, thirty minutes before takeoff. The official policy was that no one could check in less than an hour before an international flight.

The woman at the counter checked his passport. She keyed in his name, and her face brightened instantly. “Welcome, Mister Fowl,” she said with a sparkling smile. “It appears you’ve been upgraded to first class.” She handed him his passport with his boarding pass tucked inside. “Have a pleasant journey.”

An hour later, Artemis was lounging in a spacious leather seat, sipping a glass of Chianti while watching a brilliant sunset over the Atlantic. Being in the family still had its perks.


	2. Reunion

Artemis arrived late to Fowl Manor. Truthfully, he didn’t much care for staying in the grand house alone. He missed the old days, when Butler would be reading by the fire in the other room. _You wanted independence,_ he reminded himself. He made sure to check the lock on every door and window in the house before falling asleep.

He awoke late the next morning feeling refreshed, glad to be waking up in his lush bed of Egyptian cotton sheets, in a beautiful home instead of his drab dormitory. The kitchens were nearly empty, of course, given that his parents were away, but he made do with some artisanal flatbread from the cupboard, a jar of wild mushroom spread, and some locally farmed cheese from the fridge. He rounded it out with a handful of roasted almonds. Artemis was mostly vegetarian, for environmental reasons.

After his meal, Artemis changed into a fresh suit, which always helped him think more clearly, and sat down in front of his laptop in the study with a cup of tea. He expected to hear from Holly later that day with further instructions. In the meantime, he could start with some preliminary research on the Xerxes Comet.

His phone buzzed, his oldest friend’s name flashing onto the screen. “Butler,” Artemis answered brightly. He’d given his former bodyguard a call the night before to see if he could tap him for their weekend adventure. Butler had rebranded himself as a security consultant, providing advice to high-end clients. He was currently working with a bank in Switzerland, but he had agreed to fly to Ireland for a few days.

“Artemis,” came Butler’s deep baritone. “Did you arrive safely to Fowl Manor?” There was a hint of anxiety in his voice.

“I have, old friend,” Artemis smiled. “You don't need to worry about me anymore, remember?”

“Old habits die hard,” Butler said. “And I’ve done a _lot_ of worrying over the years. Anyway, I’m about to head to the airport. I’ve asked Juliet to come over to keep you company. She’ll pick up some groceries on the way.”

“What? I thought she was in America.”

“Ah. I forgot to tell you. She just moved back to Dublin a few months ago.”

“Oh,” said Artemis. “Well… there’s no need to bother her. Really.”

“Nonsense, Artemis. You can hack into the most sophisticated data systems in the world, but I’ve yet to see you so much a fry an egg in the kitchen. Unless you’ve picked up some culinary skills living in that dormitory of yours.”

“Honestly, Butler, I’m wounded,” Artemis said, feigning indignation. “I’ve mastered the art of boiling water.”

“I’m sure you have. All right, Artemis, I’ve got another couple of hours before takeoff, so call me if you run into any issues. Otherwise, I’ll see you soon.”

Artemis set down the phone, feeling more alive than he had in a long time. Holly, Butler, and now Juliet… it was beginning to feel like old times again.

The doorbell chimed through the house. Artemis hastily stood and straightened his jacket, checking his reflection in the grandfather clock. He hadn’t seen Juliet in… five years? Had it been that long already?

He jogged down the steps of the grand staircase to the entrance, and pulled open the heavy oak door.

“Artemis!” Juliet was standing in the doorway, a bag of groceries in her arms and a smile lighting up her face. He was sure that were it not for the groceries, she would have attacked him with a hug. She looked almost the same as when he’d last seen her. Her thick waves of strawberry-blonde hair were tied back in a ponytail, and her skin glowed with a honeyed tan. She was dressed casually in a grey hoodie over a white t-shirt, black yoga pants, and sneakers.

But there was something a bit more grown-up about her. And had her big blue eyes always been that pretty?

“Juliet,” Artemis said. “Here, let me take that.” He reached for the grocery bag.

“I got it,” Juliet said brightly as she sidestepped around him into the foyer. She looked him over fondly. “It’s great to see you again.”

“Same to you,” Artemis said earnestly. At Oxford, most people appeared rather serious and tired. Juliet looked happy, rested, and glowing with health.

She gazed around the hall wistfully. “Almost feels like I never left.”

“Well,” said Artemis, “make yourself at home. I’m… sorry you had to do this.”

“Of course,” Juliet said. “I was hoping we’d get the chance to catch up one of these days. But Dom said not to disturb you. He says you’re _very_ busy.” She rolled her eyes dramatically.

“Well why don’t you get settled,” said Artemis. “I’ve got a few things to work on, but I’m sure we’ll have some time later on.”

Juliet headed downstairs with the bag of groceries, while Artemis returned to the study. He was just reading up on the comet’s transition when his phone buzzed again.

“Butler.”

“Artemis. Is Juliet with you?” This time, there was a definite note of urgency in his tone.

“Yes, she just arrived,” Artemis said, bewildered.

Butler huffed on the other end of the phone. “Ever since we parted, it’s been my worst nightmare that something would happen and I wouldn’t be there to protect you.”

A chill went down Artemis’s spine.

"Artemis," came Holly's voice. Presumably, she had found a way to join their call from the Lower Elements. "We have a situation." 

"So I've gathered." 

Holly ignored his smartass remark. "Certain individuals have found out about our little gathering," Holly confessed, a tinge of guilt in her voice. "Do you remember the Opal thing?" 

"Yes, I remember the Opal thing." 

"Well, some people still aren't too happy about that. You and Juliet need to take cover. Immediately. And don’t come out until we’ve handled this." 

Artemis bristled. So they were going to have an all-out fairy battle at his house? Without _him?_ "Holly, I appreciate your concern, but I feel that my intellect, combined with my intimate knowledge of the grounds-"

"SHUT UP AND FOLLOW MY ORDERS, MUD BOY," Holly screamed into the receiver. _A commander in the making._

"Holly's right, Artemis," Butler's voice cut in. "We know you'd like to help. But your safety is the priority. For all we know, this call could already be intercepted." 

Of course, they were right. Genius or no, Artemis was, at the end of the day, a defenseless human with no combat skills whatsoever. Juliet had more to offer in that department, but unless that grocery bag had been filled with military-grade weapons, her abilities would be of little use. And there was only so much his scintillating intellect could do against a blaster pointed at his forehead. 

"Fine," Artemis relented. "Awaiting orders, then." 

"There is one... _safe_ place in Fowl Manor," Butler said covertly.

Artemis nodded slowly. “Yes.” The bunker beneath the manor had been constructed during World War II, to protect the family in the possibility of enemy bombs. Since then, it had been outfitted in style, designated as a refuge from any number of modern catastrophes- floods, warfare, and pandemics, to name a few.

“You remember the codes.”

“Yes. Of course.”

“Good. Take Juliet now. We’ll come get you once the situation is handled. Don’t come out before then. Now go.”

Butler ended the call.

A jolt of adrenaline propelled Artemis as he pulled the laptop out of its jack and sprinted down the halls, the laptop under his arm. “Juliet!” he yelled. _Fuck._ Why was this house so fucking big?

_Think_. In a fraction of a second, he retreated to a calm space in his mind. It was two o’clock p.m. For Juliet to have left from Dublin and gone to the store, she would have had to leave home around eleven. She probably hadn’t eaten lunch. So that meant…

The kitchen.

He bolted down the grand staircase, and again down the former servants’ stairs, willing his limbs to carry him faster. He would have tried to take the stairs two at a time, if he wasn’t so sure he would land on his face.

At last, he burst into the kitchen, where Juliet was just about to take the first blissful bite of an avocado toast.

“We’ve got to go. Now.” Artemis seized her by the wrist, pulling her behind him as the avocado toast splatted face-first onto the counter.

“What?” Juliet spluttered as she sprinted after him. “Where are we going?”

Artemis ran down the hall to a full-length painting of his great grandfather, which swung out to reveal a steel-enforced doorway. He flipped open a keypad and entered a seventeen-digit code.

The door unlocked with a deep metallic _clunk_. Artemis went through and pulled Juliet inside, closing the massive door behind them. The portrait would swing shut automatically.

They were in a cramped enclave with a small blue light illuminating them from above. Artemis flipped open a second keypad and scanned his thumb. A light opened to scan his retina.

“What the fuck?” Juliet said.

The steel wall in front of them parted to reveal a large circular handle on a door, like the entrance of a submarine. Artemis grasped the handle and turned it; it screeched in protest.

He swung the door open to reveal a small yet comfortable room, bathed in cheerful lamplight. He pulled Juliet inside, closed the door, and cranked the circular handle on the other side until he felt it click into place _._

They were in.

Artemis was still panting from their sprint. Juliet was considerably less winded, probably because she was actually in shape and did things like running for fun.

Juliet was looking at him expectantly, awaiting an explanation.

“Juliet,” Artemis said, catching his breath, “welcome to my family’s bunker.”


	3. Never Have I Ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to @JustAnotherBlonde for the beta read and feedback!!

Artemis felt his pace increasing. He sat down on the couch and assessed their dire situation. No Internet, no signal. How would they ever survive?

Of course, that wasn’t even the worst of their worries. Now Butler and Holly had to deal with the seasoned fairy assassins on the grounds.

Artemis was already feeling a creeping sense of claustrophobia. The small, windowless room contained a couch, a few armchairs, a chest of drawers, and a bookshelf, and little else. Thankfully, someone had thought to add a bathroom off of one corner, but it was barely large enough for a toilet and a cramped shower- hardly the Ritz Paris. Artemis knew that the bunker had a separate generator for electricity, and drew its water from a separate reservoir should the public supply become contaminated in some catastrophe.

Juliet seemed far too cheerful about all this. She sat down in an upholstered leather armchair across from the couch. “How long do you think we’ll be here for?” she asked curiously.

“Hours, at least,” Artemis guessed. “Maybe days.” _Hopefully not longer._

“Well in that case,” Juliet said brightly, “we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other better. Let’s play Never Have I Ever.”

Artemis groaned inwardly. He hated this game, the sole aim of which was to divulge humiliating personal information. Information it would be particularly indecent to reveal to Butler’s little sister.

“Juliet,” Artemis said, as tactfully as he could, “much though I’d like to _catch up,_ I think we’ve got more pressing matters on our hands.”

“Well you said we can’t contact anyone outside, right? The walls are, like, enforced with lead?”

“Yes, that’s true,” Artemis said testily.

“So, there’s not a lot we can do about it. Might as well distract ourselves.”

Artemis heaved a sigh, reluctantly surrendering. He lifted a hand into the air. 

Juliet was already wagging her fingers, leaning on her elbow as she contemplated her first query. “Never have I ever… gotten high.”

Artemis curled a finger down. Juliet’s eyes widened.

“Just once,” Artemis said. “For informational purposes. And it was an edible.”

“Okay,” Juliet said with an amused smirk, “your turn.”

Artemis thought. “Never have I ever gotten in a car accident.”

With a guilty expression, Juliet lowered a finger.

“Really,” Artemis said, raising his brows.

“It was a girls’ trip in Monaco,” Juliet confessed guiltily. “I drove the rental Mercedes into a guardrail.”

The corner of Artemis’s mouth twitched. “Okay. Your turn.”

“Never have I ever robbed an art museum.”

“That’s not fair,” Artemis protested. “You can’t pick things you know the person has done.”

“Fine.” A devious expression bloomed on her face. “Never have I ever been in a threesome.”

 _So we’ve come to the sexual exploits portion of the game_ , Artemis thought dryly. He slowly lowered a finger.

Juliet’s reaction was like a firecracker. “ _Really?”_ she gasped.

“No,” Artemis snapped, bringing the finger back up. “Seriously, Juliet? What do you think I’ve been doing at Oxford?”

“Okay fine,” Juliet said loftily. “It’s your turn.”

Artemis thought of what Butler’s reaction would be if he ever asked anything less than polite to his little sister. _He would snap me in half._

“Never have I ever…” Artemis’s mind was blank. Actually, he’d done a lot of things. “Driven a motorcycle.”

Juliet huffed impatiently. “Oh come on. You’re no fun.”

 _I know that,_ Artemis thought. “All right, fine,” he said coolly. “Never have I ever been in love.”

Juliet’s eyes widened to the size of golf balls. It was the same mix of pity and sadness that he’d seen in Holly Short’s eyes just days before. He was quickly tiring of it.

“Really?” Juliet asked, fascinated. “Well have you had a girlfriend?”

“Not exactly.” Artemis shook his head. “It’s complicated.” He wished he hadn’t brought it up.

“Wait, are you a virgin?”

“No,” Artemis said, his face turning warm.

“Well how many-”

“ _Juliet._ ”

Juliet was still looking at him with a mix of curiosity and concern. “But why do you think that is?” she pressed. “Is it, like, a confidence thing? Or do you think you’re emotionally unavailable or something?”

Artemis stood abruptly. “I think I’ve had enough of this game. I’m going to take stock of our supplies.”

Artemis strolled over to the large grey chest of drawers on one wall of the small room, feeling Juliet’s disappointed pout on his back. He lightly pressed the top drawer, which opened soundlessly with the help of a pneumatic pump. Row upon row of freeze-dried meals greeted him, nestled in colorful plastic. He picked up a few. Three-bean chili, dehydrated mashed potatoes with beef, udon noodles in teriyaki sauce. Not the most _gourmande_ , but they would survive.

Artemis pushed the drawer closed; after the first nudge, it pulled shut on its own. Next he opened the second drawer, which was stocked with toothbrushes, toothpaste, dental floss, shampoo, tampons and pads, shaving cream, razors, deodorant… and a large variety pack of condoms. Artemis felt himself blush as he remembered his childhood friend sitting behind him. Clearly, whoever had stocked the bunker had thought of everything.

 _On to the third drawer_. Drawer three was filled with medical supplies. Bandages, a thermometer, bottles of Aspirin, Tylenol, and other common medications, and even full cycles of various antibiotics. There was a manual with basic instructions for procedures such as how to make a tourniquet, perform the Heimlich, and deliver a baby, should the need arise. Artemis knew that it was unwise to attempt any medical procedure without the proper training, but he supposed there were scenarios in which such an attempt was necessary.

The next drawer contained bedsheets, pillows, sleeping bags, and an assortment of clothes in the sizes of each of his family members. Silk pajamas, sweatpants, underwear, and the like. He supposed a change of clothes would be welcome if they ended up stuck here for long.

Artemis smiled at the contents of the last drawer. It was fully stocked with liquor, including a handle of authentic Russian vodka, bottles of wine in exceptional vintages, and an extensive collection of craft whiskey, with glassware of various shapes and sizes.

He selected a handle of Glendalough Irish whiskey, aged a quarter century, and poured it into a tumbler. He took a slow sip, savoring the complexity of the whiskey and the slight burn as it made its way down his throat. Divine.

Whiskey in hand, he strode to the bookshelf on the other end of the bunker. It was mostly stocked with classics. He chose a ponderous collector’s anthology of Jules Verne novels- he would have preferred the original French, but this would do. With a contented sigh, he kicked off his shoes and lounged on the couch with his book and his whiskey.

This would have been downright enjoyable were it not for the gnawing uncertainty of whether their friends were in mortal danger. He tried to push such unpleasant thoughts away. After all, this was a vacation in its own way. When did he ever get away from the demands of society, much less the noise of the Internet?

Realizing that he had determined to ignore her, Juliet went to the bookshelf and chose a copy of _Pride and Prejudice_. She returned to the armchair to read. After a moment, she looked up, catching Artemis staring at her. “I do read books, you know,” she said frostily.

“I didn’t say you didn’t,” Artemis returned coolly. 

But the real meaning of Juliet’s comment had pierced him like an arrow. Of course, what she was _really_ saying was that he was an elitist little prick. He couldn’t deny that that was exactly what he had been in the past. But he was working on it. It honestly pained him that she still saw him as a pretentious little asshole. It stung all the more coming from a self-assured, intimidatingly beautiful woman who was four years his senior.

Artemis pretended to read. But Juliet’s comment from earlier was boring into his mind. _Was_ he emotionally unavailable? What was that even supposed to mean? He was extremely attracted to Victoria. Physically, of course, but she was also clearly very intelligent, as he’d learned back when they actually had conversations once in a while.

But if he was being completely honest, he had to admit that her cold, distant demeanor was part of the appeal. Every once in a while, she showed him a fleeting glimpse of warmth, which only made him long for more. Other girls at Oxford had made passes at him, but their obvious niceness and overt interest made them seem much less complex and enticing.

So, did that make _him_ the unavailable one? Was he opting for a torturous yet exhilarating rollercoaster with Victoria rather than building genuine connections with other women? He’d fantasized endlessly about Victoria finally coming around and deciding to date him. But if he paused to imagine that situation playing out in reality, he had to admit that it scared the living shit out of him.

All this from one throwaway comment from Juliet. He took a long sip of whiskey. If they ever got out of here, he would need to employ the services of a very expensive therapist.

The analog clock on the wall told Artemis that it was six p.m. He was starting to feel a bit guilty about ignoring Juliet. After all, it was his fault she was there in the first place. The only reason she’d been at the manor at all was to help him. Being locked in a windowless bunker beneath Fowl Manor was probably the last place she wanted to be on a Saturday night. Or any night, for that matter.

 _All right, let’s try this again._ He could still prove to her that he wasn’t the entitled little shit she remembered him as. He resolved to actually engage her in conversation, ask her about her life, and try to be a little bit less of a tightass.

Good thing they had plenty of wine, because he was going to need it.

Juliet was still reading, her leg slung over one arm of the chair, when Artemis strode over to her with two glasses of chardonnay. She looked up at him skeptically. “Wine?” he said. “I guessed white, but there’s plenty more where that came from.”

Juliet hesitantly took his peace offering, looking as if she was still deciding whether or not she trusted him. She took a sip. “Pretty good,” she said, raising her brows in approval.

“Shall we see how it pairs with some of the offerings on hand?” Artemis suggested, trying to sound clever.

Juliet looked at him as though he was the strangest person she’d ever met. “You mean, like, make dinner?”

“Erm, yes,” Artemis said awkwardly. They were off to a rocky start, but it was already an improvement from sitting and ignoring each other. Or so he hoped.

They settled on a bright yellow package labeled Thai Curry, dumping the contents into a small metal pot and pouring hot water from the kettle into the dehydrated mixture. They ladled the green-colored mush into two tin bowls, and sat on the carpet with their picnic of curry and wine.

“Surprisingly decent,” Artemis remarked. It hardly resembled authentic Thai cuisine, but was still better than some of the stuff they served in the dining hall at his school.

“Have you been to Thailand?” Juliet asked.

“I haven’t. Have you?”

“I went backpacking there,” Juliet said, “with… an ex boyfriend. It’s beautiful there, I would go back in a heartbeat. And the food is amazing.”

“I’m sure it is.” An _ex-_ boyfriend. Artemis couldn't help but wonder if she was with anyone now. Not that it should matter to him.

“So,” he said, “what brought you back to Ireland?”

Juliet considered for a moment, pushing around the food in her bowl with her spoon. “I had a lot of fun on the pro wrestling circuit,” she began. “But it was definitely a lifestyle. You’re always traveling around, never in one place for long. It was fun for a while, but I missed having a home base. And I guess Ireland just felt like home, you know?”

Artemis could relate. He enjoyed his time at school, but coming back home to Fowl Manor always felt like a relief.

“And what are you doing these days? Still wrestling?”

“Actually I’m a fitness instructor,” Juliet said. “HIIT workouts, yoga, kickboxing… I’m working on getting certified to teach martial arts.”

“Sounds like you’ve been keeping busy. I thought wrestling was your passion.”

“It’s one of my passions,” Juliet said. “But… I guess I felt like something was missing, you know? I’ve always loved teaching, helping people achieve their goals, discover their own strength.”

“That’s… admirable.”

“Thanks,” Juliet said, with a modest kind of smile that Artemis found quite endearing. “The management at the gym I’m at is kind of shitty. But I love the teaching part. It’s my dream to start my own gym one day,” she said wistfully. “Like a martial arts training center for women or something.”

Artemis couldn’t help being impressed. Juliet was incredibly talented; he was sure she would one day make her dream a reality.

“What about you, Artemis?” Juliet asked. “What have you been up to in the past few years?”

Artemis leaned back on an elbow, wine in hand. “Studying climate change, mostly. I’m just finishing up a D.Phil. at Oxford.”

“Butler mentioned that. Very prestigious. Then again, I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

“Well, certainly people think highly of themselves at Oxford. It doesn’t mean they’re necessarily the smartest.” Some were just wealthy and very well-connected.

Juliet took another sip of wine. “So, why climate change?”

“Oh, trying to find something meaningful to do,” he mused. “Saving the planet and all that, or at least not sitting back and accepting its destruction.”

“More meaningful than robbing art museums?” Juliet smirked.

He smiled back. “Precisely.”

“Well, very noble,” Juliet said, with a subtle, almost flirtatious shake of the shoulders. Her compliment warmed him better than a swig of whiskey.

Artemis noticed her glass was empty. So was the bottle of Chardonnay. He was beginning to feel… a bit buzzed, but the wine was taking the edge off of a very stressful day. “Shall we start another bottle?”

Juliet’s eyes danced mischievously. “I’m game if you are.”

Something told Artemis that Juliet could probably drink him under the table. A small voice in his head suggested that the second bottle of wine might not be one of his better ideas. Then again, they had nowhere to go, so why not?

“Pinot?” Artemis suggested, lifting the bottle from the drawer.

“Sure,” Juliet shrugged. “I’m not much of a wino.”

Artemis guessed the bottle probably retailed for around two hundred euros. A pity they didn’t have a decanter and a nice bucket of ice. Then again, they were in a bunker, so he could hardly complain.

Since there was nothing but artificial light in the bunker, they simulated dusk by turning off the lights of the main room, the bathroom light casting a low glow. The conversation flowed considerably less awkwardly by the time they’d polished off the Pinot. The wine was doing wonders for Artemis’s nerves. They were talking as if they were actual friends, who would have shared a bottle of wine under normal circumstances. Of course, Artemis had technically known Juliet for years, but he felt he had gotten to know her so much better just over the past few hours.

After that, they opened a third bottle, this time a Cabernet. The tiny voice in his head was now applauding his ability to finally let loose and stop worrying about every little detail. Or something like that.

“So, Juliet,” he said, feeling exceptionally suave with a glass of wine in hand. His fifth glass. “Have you met anyone special in Ireland? You must meet plenty of guys at that gym of yours.”

“ _Ha._ ” Juliet raised a finger pointedly. “The guys who try to pick you up at the gym are _not_ the ones you want to date.”

“Really. I wish I’d known that before. I’m constantly trying to pick up women in between reps.”

“Hilarious, Fowl,” Juliet deadpanned. Artemis wasn’t sure if she meant the idea of harassing women at the gym, or the suggestion that he would ever set foot in one in the first place. “I’ve been on a few dates. Nothing serious. It’s been fun, but…” She sighed. “I guess I’m looking for something with long-term potential, you know? Now that I’m semi-settled in one place for the first time in forever.”

Artemis hung on her every word. A small, stupid part of his brain was already scheming how to move back to Dublin post-graduation and become her monogamous, long-term boyfriend. He swatted the thought away.

“So what about you, Artemis?” Juliet teased. “Is there a special someone in your life?”

Artemis hadn’t really talked to anyone about Victoria. Normally, he avoided revealing too much about his private life. But he was over a bottle of wine in, and he was so enjoying Juliet’s company. What could be the harm?

“I have been seeing someone,” he allowed. “Casually.”

“Oh?” Juliet said curiously. “Like, casually dating?”

Artemis hesitated. “Not dating, per se.”

Juliet’s brow furrowed slightly. “So like… a friend with benefits?”

“More of an emphasis on the benefits.”

“Like a fuck buddy.”

Artemis bristled at the rather crude term, but it was fairly fitting. “Sure.”

“Okay,” Juliet said thoughtfully. “And are you satisfied with that arrangement?”

The wine was buzzing pleasantly in his head. The room was spinning a bit; he allowed himself to lie back onto the carpet, gazing up at the ceiling as if it were the sky on a starry night.

 _Was_ he satisfied? He and Victoria had an amazing physical connection. Granted, sometimes she chose not to text him back for a couple of weeks, perhaps to remind him that they _weren’t in a relationship_ , which led to him obsessively checking his phone, desperate for a response. But that made it all the more thrilling when she finally resurfaced. Still, there was the yawning feeling of loneliness that lingered after their encounters.

“I think it fits my current situation,” Artemis said at last. Somehow, it was easier to speak freely when he was staring at the ceiling and not at Juliet. “We’re graduating soon, and we probably won’t be in the same place. So I suppose it makes sense not to become too involved.” He felt an unexpected pang in his chest.

Unlike many people, Artemis was actually highly articulate when drunk. If anything, he talked far more than usual. Typically it was a rant about something obscure and academic, but this time, he felt an urge to pour out all of his feelings about Victoria.

“But if she _did_ want to date,” he found himself saying, “I would have absolutely gone for it. I actually tried to suggest it on a few occasions, but she’s always been very clear with what she wants and… what she doesn’t want.”

“Hmm.”

“I think I was able to pretend for a while,” Artemis continued, recklessly charging on. “For a time, we saw each other regularly, and we even had actual conversations and everything. It was close enough to a relationship, but without the strings attached, as it were. Or so I told myself. But lately, I can tell she’s been pulling away.”

“I mean, have you thought about talking to her about how you feel?”

“ _Thought_ about, yes,” Artemis said. “And I know exactly how the conversation would go. If I told her I wanted to try to make things work, she would shut down immediately and I would never hear from her again.”

Artemis felt a lump welling up in his throat, tears beginning to cloud his vision. Never in his adult life had he cried in front of another person. If it weren’t for the wine, he would be more embarrassed. “We’re graduating in two months. I don’t even know how many times I’ll see her before then. She might not even want to meet up again. I’m going to be heartbroken and she’s going to be fine.” He stifled a sob.

“It’s okay,” Juliet consoled him. “You’re a great guy. Someone amazing will come along.”

Artemis sniffled as the tears fell in earnest. Juliet was apparently at a loss for words. “I’m terribly sorry, Juliet,” Artemis finally choked out. “This is dreadfully unbecoming.”

“Don’t worry,” Juliet said kindly. “You’ll have plenty of opportunities to meet people after you graduate.”

“But what if you were right today?” Artemis cried, far too loudly. “What if I’m walling myself off because I assume that no one can understand me and accept me for who I really am? What if I’m settling for something superficial because I’m terrified of suffering rejection?” He held the bridge of his nose, failing to hold back his sobs. _Damn,_ he was drunk.

“Don’t worry about it too much,” Juliet said soothingly. “It’ll happen when it’s meant to happen. You’ve got plenty of time.”

“But what if I’m afraid of making genuine connections because of a fear of abandonment stemming from my father being kidnapped by the Russian mafiya? Or if I’m attracted to unavailable women because my mother was unavailable when I was eleven?”

“Okay, time for bed,” Juliet announced briskly, picking up his half-empty wine glass. “And if you have to throw up, do it in the toilet, because I am _not_ cleaning it up.”

Artemis lay on the ground, sobbing quietly, his head feeling as if it were stuffed with cotton.

What was the matter with him? Why was he so torn up over a girl who didn’t even want him?

 _Because she was your first._ Not only had Victoria taken his virginity, she was also the _only_ person Artemis had ever been with. Even if they hadn’t officially been in a relationship, the end would be just as devastating.

Juliet sat down next to him and offered him a roll of toilet paper.

Artemis sat up, his head swimming. He took a handful of toilet paper and loudly blew his nose. “Thanks,” he said stuffily.

“Drink this,” Juliet said pragmatically, handing him a glass of water. He drank in the cool water and took a deep breath. He still felt despondent, but lighter somehow.

Juliet patted him firmly on the back. “You’re gonna be fine.”


	4. The Right Reasons

The first thing Artemis realized when he awoke was that they were still in the bunker. The second thing he noticed was that the lights were on, which meant that Juliet had woken up before him. And the third thing he became aware of was a dull, throbbing headache.

The headache reminded him of the wine. And then a wave of humiliation hit him as he recalled the night before. Instead of proving to Juliet that he was a full-grown man, he had gotten far too drunk and cried to her about his lover at university.

At least he’d had the presence of mind to insist she take the couch, which pulled out into a bed. He had slept on the floor in a sleeping bag, in his full suit, because apparently that had also seemed like a good idea. But the couch was folded up again, the linens tucked out of sight.

“Rise and shine, Artemis,” came Juliet’s bright voice.

Artemis sat up groggily, his head throbbing in protest. “Morning,” he mumbled.

Juliet was beaming down at him. She had removed her makeup from the day before, and her eyes looked lighter and more natural without their typical layer of mascara. _She looks pretty in the morning._

“It’s time for our morning workout,” Juliet announced energetically.

Artemis groaned. He barely lifted a finger under normal circumstances; he failed to see why he should start working out now. “Go on without me, Juliet. I must nurse my headache.”

“Artemis,” Juliet said sternly. “We’re stuck in this tiny little room all day long. We can’t just sit here without getting any exercise.”

That sounded perfectly fine to Artemis, though Juliet seemed appalled at the very thought. Besides, he had no intention of humiliating himself in front of this athletic goddess. “You go ahead. I’ll be right behind you.” He rose to wash up in the bathroom.

Juliet was already enthusiastically conquering a series of lunges when he returned. Artemis took the Jules Verne anthology back off the shelf and sat down on the couch to read. He stole more than a few glances up at Juliet as she cycled through burpees, push-ups, and squats, moving with equal parts grace and power. Whereas Butler was built like a brick wall, Juliet had a more lithe, toned physique. Juliet was more than beautiful; she was _hot._

_She’s Butler’s sister,_ he reminded himself firmly, striving to keep his eyes on the page.

Artemis tried to look absorbed in his reading as Juliet’s shadow fell over him. 

“Artemis.”

He looked up impassively to where Juliet was standing, arms crossed.

“I can’t stand watching you sit here all day.”

“That doesn’t sound like _my_ problem,” Artemis said blandly.

Juliet planted her hands on her hips. “Come on. Let’s at least do some yoga. It’ll make you feel better.”

That was probably true, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that Artemis could not be ordered around, and also that he had zero flexibility to speak of. True, the idea of Juliet doing yoga sounded sexy as hell, but that was all the more reason to resist the plan entirely.

Artemis returned to his book. “You go ahead.” He made a point of calmly turning a page.

Juliet pulled the book from his lap and tossed it onto the ground, where it slid several feet across the carpet.

“Juliet,” Artemis said irately. “This is the most aggressive invitation to yoga I have ever received.”

“You have to get _some_ exercise,” Juliet snapped. “Who knows how long we’ll be here for.” _Or how long we’ll have to put up with each other for,_ her tone seemed to suggest.

Juliet’s concern for his wellbeing was touching, in its own way. But he would not give in to her forceful tactics. “Juliet. Whether or not I choose to lead a healthy lifestyle while trapped inside this bunker is entirely up to me. If I wish to wallow in slothful indolence, that is perfectly within my rights.”

“Well it looks like we’re going to be spending a lot of time together,” Juliet said evenly, “so we’re going to have to compromise. How about this.” Her tone had softened, as if she were cajoling a toddler. “First we’ll do thirty minutes of beginner-friendly yoga. After that, we can do whatever _you_ want to do. Like…” Her expression went blank. “Play Sudoku.”

Artemis rolled his eyes. _There aren’t any Sudoku puzzles in this bunker, Juliet._ But then he remembered his goal of proving to Juliet that he wasn’t a little bitch. Besides, his pride had already been irreparably destroyed the night before, so really, he had nothing to lose. “Fine,” he relented. “But only if the afternoon comprises of several hours of quiet reading time.”

“Whatever,” Juliet said. “Hurry up. There’s some track pants in the drawer.”

A few minutes later, Juliet was guiding him through a series of mindful breathing exercises as they sat on their towels in half-lotus. Juliet seemed to have transformed from drill sergeant to gentle yoga instructor. Artemis had to admit, the guided relaxation _was_ rather pleasant. He should really do this more often.

Next, they moved through a few rounds of sun salutations, Juliet patiently demonstrating each pose. Artemis’s own muscles were stiff as an over-starched shirt, but Juliet looked like a natural.

“Now, warrior two.” Juliet gracefully opened out her arms to stretch over the length of her stance. Artemis tried to copy her.

“Here,” Juliet said, walking over, “can I give you a hands-on adjustment?”

“Erm, sure,” Artemis said, butterflies fluttering to life inside of him.

With a light, precise touch, Juliet brought his knee directly over his left ankle, tilted his shoulders farther back, and pivoted his hips. When she lightly touched a finger to the crown of his head, he instinctively grew taller, straightening his neck and spine. It was all completely professional, nothing suggestive about it, but he wished she would keep going.

“How does that feel?” Juliet asked from behind him as she observed his stance.

“Great,” Artemis said honestly. He did feel straighter and more open than he had in a long time. He silently hoped for more hands-on adjustments.

At the conclusion of their practice, they again sat facing each other. “Namaste,” Juliet said in her egregious American accent as she bowed her head. Artemis tilted his head forward in return.

“Well,” Juliet said, “was that as terrible as you’d expected?”

“I never expected the _experience_ to be terrible,” Artemis said smoothly. “However, _I_ was more terrible than I could have possibly imagined. I think I truly outdid myself.”

Juliet’s mouth curled upwards. “Hey, everyone’s gotta start somewhere. You wouldn’t believe the transformations I’ve witnessed. You’re coming to my classes now, right?”

“I hope you’re joking.”

“ _You_ need more confidence,” Juliet countered.

“Interesting. People usually find me rather _over_ -confident.”

“Maybe in some areas,” Juliet said wryly. “In others… it seems like maybe you could have a little more faith in yourself.”

They were getting back to the gooey, emotional territory that made Artemis squirm. He checked the clock on the wall; it was almost noon. “Lunch?”

They selected a packet of lentil soup. It was hot, spicy, and perfectly palatable. Artemis was quickly coming to appreciate the importance of their simple dehydrated meals in breaking up the monotony of life in the bunker. And the food made for an easy topic of conversation.

Artemis knew he owed Juliet an apology for the night before. Though he couldn’t entirely regret his emotional mishap. It had been, as they say, a good cry. He’d been in denial about his feelings for Victoria. Now, at least, he could look the truth in the face. It was over, and it was going to suck.

He could blame it on the wine. But it wasn't _just_ the wine. Juliet had a kind of warmth about her that made him feel he could trust her with anything. Her older brother was of a fairly serious nature, but Juliet seemed to carry the sunshine with her. Even though he knew she could easily break his neck in a dozen different ways, he found himself wondering what it would be like to be held in her arms.

He caught himself at the thought. _Snap out of it._ He’d done enough damage already.

Artemis stared into his mostly-empty bowl. “I should apologize about last night. I’m sorry I burdened you with all that. It was…” He grimaced. “Utterly indecorous.”

Juliet’s lip curled upward; she seemed mildly amused at the memory. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. Trust me, we’ve all been there.”

Artemis smiled sheepishly. “Well… thanks.”

“Hey, that’s what friends are for, right?”

They continued to eat in silence for a minute. “You know, you’re an excellent teacher,” Artemis finally said. “Actually, I felt I saw a different side of you this morning.”

“Oh?” Juliet raised her brows.

“I’ve witnessed your prodigious martial arts talents before,” Artemis continued. “I know you could easily take on five men twice your size. But the nurturing yoga teacher thing was… different.”

“Well,” Juliet said, her cheeks reddening ever so slightly, “maybe tomorrow we can do some HIIT workouts, and you can see my real dominatrix side.”

Now it was _his_ turn to blush. He could only pray she had no idea what was going through his mind. “I was hoping for more yoga, actually. I liked that last pose. The one where you lie on the ground.”

“There’s plenty of time to sit around and do nothing,” Juliet said. “ _After_ our workout.”

“Well,” said Artemis, “maybe we’ll get rescued before then.”

Both of them were quiet for a moment. Truthfully, he was enjoying himself far more than he could have imagined while stuck in a small room. But the reality of their situation was always in the background.

“Do you think our friends are okay?” Juliet said quietly.

“I think so,” Artemis said, trying to sound confident.

“Yeah… so do I. I’m sure they’ll get us out of here before we know it. Maybe in time to rescue you from your morning workout.”

True to her word, Juliet agreed to Artemis’s proposal of an afternoon of quiet reading time. Artemis dozed off around the middle of _Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea_. When he awoke, it was almost dinnertime, and he felt much more refreshed. All in all, it had been a rather relaxing day.

They selected a chickpea masala for dinner, chatting pleasantly as they ate. Afterwards, Artemis made them two cups of chamomile tea. Better to lay off the alcohol for a while, he decided.

“So,” Juliet said as they sat on the couch with their mugs of tea. “Do you, like, watch TV or movies or anything?”

She clearly considered him a bit of an alien species, which, to be fair, wasn’t far off the mark. “Movies? Mostly obscure, arty French films. Television… not much, other than documentaries. What about you?”

“I like a good romcom,” Juliet said. “I watch a lot of reality TV. Survivor, The Bachelor…”

“Hmm. Did you watch the last season? That guy was quite the simpleton.”

“Wait.” Juliet blinked. “You watch _The Bachelor?_ ”

“I don’t watch it, exactly. I mostly read the recaps.”

“Oh.” Juliet looked bewildered. “I mean, I didn’t think you’d be into that sort of thing.”

“I can’t say it’s the most intellectually enriching, but it’s a significant cultural phenomenon, and thus, worthy of my attention.”

“Uh-huh,” Juliet said. “You’re secretly just in it for the drama.”

Artemis shrugged. “There _is_ that.”

An amused smile crept onto Juliet’s face. “Well. What did you think of the final pick?”

“Clearly, the man doesn’t know what he wants.” He motioned with his mug of tea. “His final two could not have been more different. And that Alyssa girl seemed far more keen on becoming the next Bachelorette than ending up with _him._ ”

“So you don’t think she was there for the right reasons?” Juliet mused.

“Definitely not. Though you’d have to be daft to expect to find love on a show like that. In my humble opinion, the only _right_ reason is the same reason they’re all there- for shameless self-promotion.”

“Are you always this cynical when it comes to dating?”

“Just about.”

“Well maybe that’s why you’re still single,” Juliet said, only half-teasing.

“But it’s just a logical conclusion,” Artemis argued. “Statistically, any one person you meet will most likely not work out. Why invest emotionally if you know you’re going to be disappointed?”

“Well, you can’t be open to the possibilities without also opening yourself up to pain and rejection, right?”

“Perhaps. But I also find myself to be a rather particular individual, and probably very difficult to be around for extended periods of time, as I’m sure you can attest. Perhaps I’d like to spare people the trouble of finding that out for themselves.”

“Or maybe you’re just ridiculously picky and have unattainable standards.”

“Not so,” Artemis argued. “I have absurdly high expectations for myself, but I don’t extend the same to others.”

“Well then,” Juliet said, “what does an eligible bachelor such as yourself look for in a person? Do you have a type?”

Artemis leaned back pensively. He thought of Victoria. “Smart, pretty… cultured, I suppose you could say.”

“Does she have to be a genius?”

“No,” Artemis said decisively. “Or at least not in the same way. It’s nice to connect with someone on an intellectual level. But I rather exhaust myself at times, I can’t imagine if there were two of us.”

“Neither can I,” Juliet said dryly. “What does ‘cultured’ mean?”

“Someone who appreciates the arts, I suppose. Someone I could take to the opera.”

“The opera.” Juliet looked thoroughly unconvinced.

“The opera is marvelous,” Artemis said, lighting up at the thought.

“I guess I’ve never been,” Juliet said doubtfully.

“Oh, you must go,” Artemis said excitedly. He almost suggested they go together, but he caught himself just in time.

“What about you, Juliet?” he said, deciding it would be safest to deflect the conversation back to her. “What do you look for in a man?”

“Or woman, actually.”

“Oh,” Artemis said. “I… shouldn’t have assumed.”

“It’s fine,” Juliet said with a casual wave of her hand. She sat back and considered a moment. “Obviously fitness is important.” Artemis felt as though a tiny bubble of hope had popped inside of him. _Fitness-oriented_ would not be a term he would apply to himself. Not that it mattered. “Someone who has goals, but who’s also, like, chill.”

“ _Chill_.”

“Yeah, like who goes with the flow. Someone I could take to… a music festival, or camping, maybe.”

“I see.” Artemis was definitely _not_ chill. He owned exactly one pair of jeans. They were very expensive, and he mostly wore them on occasions when he felt it necessary to blend in with the general populace. He imagined he would feel rather out-of-place at a music festival, or in any situation where people were drinking watery beer out of plastic cups. As for camping, he and Butler had slept on the ground their fair share of times, but that had been out of necessity, not for _fun._

Although, his chosen field might require more of that. He imagined waking up in a remote location, with Juliet sleeping beside him in their cozy tent…

_Stop it. This isn’t a date._

“Someone you could take to a wrestling match?” he suggested, seamlessly picking up the thread of the conversation.

Juliet smiled. “That would be nice. But it’s not a requirement. But like, he shouldn’t be dumb as rocks, either. He should, like, read books and stuff.”

_Not dumb as rocks._ At least Artemis could claim that much. He met perhaps two of her four criteria. Rather abysmal.

“So,” Juliet mused. “Sounds like I’m not your type then.”

“I never said that,” Artemis protested. “What did I say that wouldn’t apply to you?”

“Well I’m hardly _cultured,_ ” Juliet pointed out. “And probably not smart enough for you, either.”

Artemis didn’t quite know what to say. Clearly Juliet _was_ smart, but that might sound rather condescending coming from him. As for _cultured,_ well, he supposed it had been a rather snobbish criterion in the first place.

“Well I’m clearly not your type, either,” Artemis pointed out in lieu of correcting her. “I’m the least athletic person I know. I’m extremely uptight, and I don’t have any music festivals on my calendar.”

“Sounds like it would never work out,” Juliet said with a wry smile. Her eyes glittered mischievously. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun.”

Artemis had a sensation similar to being cornered by a jungle cat. It almost sounded as if Juliet was… _propositioning_ him. But that couldn’t possibly be. They’d just established that he was clearly not the type of person she’d be interested in.

And yet….

“I’m not very good at having fun,” Artemis said lamely.

“Don’t worry,” Juliet said softly. “I’m a good teacher.”

Juliet had somehow moved closer to him on the couch. He could easily have leaned over and kissed her; somehow, he didn’t think she would have minded. But that would be a terrible idea. Because a kiss could lead to more kissing, which could lead to countless other things that they absolutely should not do. Because he knew Juliet would come to her senses sooner or later and regret hooking up with him. Butler would kill him, and he would have nothing but a broken heart to show for it.

He rose abruptly before things could go any further. “Shall we read a bit before bed?” He strolled to the shelf to retrieve the Jules Verne anthology. Then he returned to the couch, where he sat as far towards the edge as possible, and opened the book on his lap, grateful that the tome was large enough to cover his erection.

He breathed a sigh of relief as Juliet went to get her book from the shelf. That had been far too close. He would have to be more careful in the future. Otherwise, they might end up making out on the couch, or perhaps on one of the chairs. Or they could try it standing up, against the shelf of books. He’d always had a fantasy of having sex in the library, but at Oxford there were cameras everywhere, and he hated the idea of being discovered by some librarian innocently re-shelving the stacks.

But here, they were quite alone. Maybe once they got out of the bunker, he could take her up to the Fowl library and press her up against a bookcase, his hand on her soft breast…. 

“Artemis.” 

“Hm?” He awoke from his sexual reverie with a start.

“You’ve been reading that page for, like, ten minutes.”

“Must be getting sleepy. I suppose.” He glanced at the clock on the wall; it was barely past eight o’clock.

“Didn’t you bring your laptop?” Juliet said. “We could watch one of those obscure French movies you mentioned.”

“I… might have a few of those,” Artemis said, suddenly very nervous at the prospect of introducing Juliet to his taste in films.

They sat on the carpet with their backs leaning against the couch, the laptop sitting on the ground in front of them. Artemis had selected _La Parapluie,_ a postmodern black-and-white film about an umbrella in a train station. The film was deliberately confusing and contained very little dialogue. Artemis kept his eyes fixed on the screen, pretending to be absorbed in the film, but inwardly terrified that Juliet was bored out of her mind.

His fears were assuaged when he heard a sonorous snore rise up from next to his elbow. Juliet was curled up on the carpet, her head resting on a throw pillow, sound asleep. She looked so peaceful, almost angelic as her shoulders rose and fell with her soft breath, her golden hair falling in ringlets around her face.

Artemis picked up a blanket from where it sat folded next to them and carefully draped it over her. He changed into a pair of silk pajamas before rolling out his own sleeping bag and going to bed.


	5. Game Theory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to @Justanotherblonde for the beta read and feedback!!! You’re the only person I can talk to about writing smut lol.

Most of the tension seemed to have dissipated by morning. Juliet was up before him again, and was tidying up the room when he awoke.

“Morning, Artemis,” she said brightly as she handed him a steaming cup of Earl Grey.

“Morning,” Artemis said with a polite smile. _See? Back to normal._

“You hungry? Looks like we can make some chia seed oatmeal.”

“Mm. Not yet.”

“Well that’s good,” Juliet said lightly. “It’s always best not to eat before working out.”

“Very funny,” Artemis said.

Juliet raised a brow. “We did what _you_ wanted to do and read books all afternoon yesterday,” she pointed out. “It’s _my_ turn now.”

Artemis was reminded of something she’d said the day before. Something about her dominatrix side? “Sorry, Juliet. It’s just not possible.”

Juliet crossed her arms, standing square in front of him. “Oh. I think it is.”

By the third burpee, Artemis realized that he’d made a terrible mistake.

He had no idea he could feel so physically awful after less than thirty seconds of any given activity. He actually felt as if he were slowly dying.

Why _had_ he agreed to this? To impress Juliet, he supposed. A goal which seemed particularly misguided now that he was about to collapse after less than a minute.

Juliet was peppily cheering him on. “You got this, Artemis,” she said as she flowed through her burpees with ease. “Thirty more seconds. You can do it!”

If he ever survived this, he vowed never to do cardio ever, ever again.

He finally _did_ collapse around minute twenty. “I’m sorry, Juliet,” he huffed, too exhausted to feel embarrassed. “That’s it for me.”

“Hey,” Juliet said, clapping him on the back, “I’m proud of you. I can tell that you went outside your comfort zone today.”

 _That’s quite the understatement,_ Artemis thought.

But after some guided stretching and lots of water, Artemis had to admit that he did not feel altogether terrible. In fact, he felt… _good._ Juliet _was_ probably right about the virtues of exercise while they were stuck in the bunker. Not that he was going to admit it out-loud.

Artemis felt even better after a nice, hot shower, because apparently the Fowls were going to enjoy hot running water even during the Apocalypse. They changed back into their street clothes and made a spicy black bean soup for lunch.

“So,” Juliet said after they had cleaned up from their meal, “what did you think?”

Artemis stared back at her blankly. “About?”

“About the class,” Juliet pressed. “Did you feel like it was the right level? What should I improve on?”

“Oh. Erm…” Artemis hadn’t been expecting this question. He hardly felt qualified to answer. “Well, it was certainly more physical activity than _I’ve_ done in recent memory.” _Or possibly ever._ “But you were very encouraging. Hardly a dominatrix.” He felt his face turn warm.

Juliet laughed, seeming far too amused by his comment. “Well, in any case, I think you’ve definitely earned a rest. Now…” She leaned back with a mischievous look in her eyes. “We did what _I_ wanted to do. Now it’s your turn to pick what _you_ want to do.”

Again with that hint of flirtatiousness in her voice. But perhaps she was just like that with everyone.

But he found that he wanted to keep hanging out with Juliet more than he wanted to be left alone with his book, for once. His eyes traveled to the stack of board games on the bookshelf. “Fancy a game?”

They decided on Settlers of Catan, laying the game out on the carpet and sitting on the floor. The game was a kind of cross between Risk and Monopoly. With only two players, they had to build an uneasy alliance to gain the resources they needed, only to inevitably turn on each other. Juliet held her own until Artemis successfully monopolized all the wheat on the board, and she had no choice but to submit to his will.

It was hardly fair. Artemis was an international chess champion. Under a false name, but all the same. True, the board game did have an element of chance, but on the strategy front, it was hardly an even match.

The second round, Artemis tried to subtly tip the scales in Juliet’s favor, overlooking some of the choicest territories on the board, making a few less-than-optimal moves.

But then Juliet caught on, her eyes widening with realization as he passed on the chance to cut off her road.

“You’re trying to let me win,” she accused. “What, you think I’m not smart enough to play a board game with you?”

“I _am_ a genius,” Artemis said plainly.

Juliet huffed, her expression clouding over. “I _knew_ this was a bad idea.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Artemis demanded. The day had been going so well. Why were they fighting now?

Juliet stood abruptly, glaring down at him. “I'm just Butler’s dumb little sister to you, aren’t I?”

“What the hell, Juliet?” Artemis scrambled to his feet. “I was just trying to be nice. No need to have a fit.”

“Well sorry to trouble you,” Juliet snapped. “I’m sure hanging out with me is pretty boring for someone of your intellect.”

Artemis scoffed. “So you think I’m some sort of petulant little asshole who’s too wrapped-up in his own ego to have any fun?”

“Yup.” She stepped closer to him. “Prove me wrong,” she said, prodding him in the chest. A deliberate provocation.

Artemis was baffled, and that did not happen often. “Juliet, what’s this about?” he demanded. “Are you trying to start something?” ~~~~

Juliet’s mouth twisted into a grin. “You could say that.”

Artemis was getting tired of these games. If she hated him, then so be it. “Why don’t you just say what you really think, Juliet?” he snapped, stepping closer to her still. “Then perhaps we can get back to sitting around and ignoring each other.”

“Why don’t _you_ cut it out with the gentlemanly crap,” Juliet retorted, leaning further in. “We both know what you _really_ want to do, and it’s _highly_ improper.”

 _Damn._ So she _had_ noticed his incessant lusting after her. Though it had probably been fairly obvious.

No use denying it, then. “All right,” he said, his blood running hot, “I will admit that I have developed a certain attraction towards you, despite our differences. Or possibly because of them.” He shook his head. _Focus._ “However,” he continued, “I think we can both agree that acting on such… base impulses would be highly unwise.”

“Why?” Juliet said, her eyes narrowing. “Because I’m not good enough for you?”

“Because we have nothing in common,” Artemis retorted. “It would be a complete disaster. We can’t even get through a board game without arguing.”

“Well it sounds like you’ve reasoned through this,” Juliet said irately.

“Oh please, Juliet,” Artemis scoffed. “Surely you aren’t actually suggesting we…” He gestured vaguely. “ _Hook up._ ”

Juliet glared at him. “Aren’t you supposed to be a genius?”

Artemis was momentarily stunned. Clearly, she was out of her mind. “Oh, great idea,” he said sarcastically, his list of excuses fast dwindling. “And what’s your brother going to think when he finds out?”

“What?” Now it was Juliet’s turn to look nonplussed. “What’s Dom got to do with this?”

“Only that he’s my oldest and best friend,” Artemis said incredulously. “I can’t just go hooking up with his sister.”

“So now you need my brother’s permission to kiss me?” Juliet snapped. “I can make my own decisions, Artemis. And you _and_ Dom had better figure that out.”

Well, she did have a point.

They were practically nose-to-nose now; neither of them had backed down a single inch. Juliet’s face was flushed with anger, her pretty eyes flashing. 

Before he knew what he was doing, he leaned in and kissed her. She grasped his shoulders and furiously pressed her mouth to his. He took her by the waist and pulled her against him. The next moment, they were kissing as if each others’ mouths were the only source of water in the middle of the desert.

Somehow, they made their way to the couch with their mouths locked together, still snogging as if the world were ending tomorrow. The seat of the couch hit the back of his knees, and Artemis stumbled backwards onto the cushions. Juliet climbed on top of him, straddling him with her shapely, muscular thighs, and continued attacking him with her kisses. Now her tongue was in his mouth, and she was practically tearing the buttons off his shirt.

She yanked his shirtsleeves off of him in a tangle of limbs and fabric. Then she kissed him again, her breath becoming short, running her hands all over his bare chest.

Artemis brought his hands to her waist, over the thin cotton fabric of her t-shirt. “Do you want this off?” he said softly. 

Juliet pulled the t-shirt off over her head, shaking out her mane of thick, strawberry-blonde hair. Her athletic body was impressive when she was fully clothed; topless, she was nothing short of stunning. Her full breasts were cupped in a hot pink demi bra. Her middle was firm and sculpted, a well-defined line partitioning her abs. Artemis felt an overwhelming urge to run his tongue over every inch of her midriff.

His erection pressed against the zipper of his trousers. Any shred of reason he’d still clung to had vanished.

He pressed his mouth to hers, caressing her toned, sexy middle. Juliet moved his hand to her breast. He fondled it eagerly over the cup of her bra, kissing her down her long, smooth neck.

“Take it off,” Juliet breathed into his ear.

“Yes.” Artemis unlinked her bra with his fingers, then unceremoniously tugged it off of her and tossed it to the side.

He dragged his mouth across her breast to her left nipple, and took it into his mouth; it hardened instantly. He fondled the tender bud with his tongue. Then he sucked, lightly at first, but then harder, as Juliet let out a small gasp.

“Too hard?”

“No,” Juliet breathed. “Keep going.”

He swirled his tongue around the bud, grazed it with his teeth, and sucked again, as Juliet let out a moan. Then he moved to her other breast.

By the time he was done, Juliet was pressing her hips against his erection.

Their eyes met; Juliet’s gaze contained a mix of surprise and longing. An awkward sort of anticipation hung in the air; a sense of the inevitable, and yet an uncertainty of how to proceed.

Artemis cleared his throat. “Should we… um…”

Juliet laughed awkwardly.

“Completely fine either way,” Artemis said quickly.

“No,” Juliet said. “I mean… _yes._ ”

Artemis nodded, his mind spinning. “All right,” he said. “Should I… get a condom, then?”

“Yeah, probably a good idea,” Juliet said breathlessly.

Juliet slid off his lap, beginning to peel off her yoga pants over her curvy ass and thighs. Artemis unbuttoned and unzipped his trousers before stepping out of them. His boxers were tented rather obviously over his erection.

Juliet finished pulling off her leggings, nearly naked now. God, she was hot. Artemis grasped her by the shoulders, kissing her again.

_Condoms. Right._

“One moment,” Artemis said, finally tearing himself away. He all but sprinted to the chest of drawers, clad only in his boxers.

He grabbed the box of condoms, fumbling with the annoying shrink-wrapped plastic, before finally tearing it off and ripping off the top of the thin cardboard box.

 _So many options._ Extra thin? Intense Sensation? Artemis chose “Pleasure-Ribbed,” hoping it might add something to the experience for Juliet.

He hastily turned on the bathroom light and flicked off the lamps in the main room before returning to the sofa.

Juliet was lounging on her side on the couch in her panties, propped onto her elbow with a small smile, the image of a reclining goddess. Artemis could finally drink in the beauty of her near-naked body, the curve undulating from her full breasts to her waste before widening again at her ass and hips.

He lay down beside her, her chest flush with his, and kissed her tenderly. He placed a hand on her hip, over the waistband of her panties. “Can I touch you?” he half-whispered.

“Yes,” Juliet breathed.

Artemis kissed her softly as he slipped his hand down her panties, then dipped the tips of his index and middle fingers into the pool of wetness between her legs. He brought his moistened fingers back up to circle around her clit, feeling Juliet’s warm breath against his mouth. He went slowly, gently, before finally moving back down. He pressed his fingers inside her tight, warm pussy, kissing her more deeply. Juliet moaned into his mouth as he slid his fingers in and out of her.

He felt her cool fingers graze the inside of his thigh, then weave through the opening in the front of his boxers before curling around his hardened member. She began to caress him, her thumb swirling precum around the tip of his cock.

A groan escaped from his lips. He was so aroused just from… _this._ She had barely even touched him, and he was already afraid he might come in her palm.

Juliet’s lips had been following the contour of his jaw. “How’s this?” she whispered in his ear.

“Great,” Artemis breathed.

“Yeah?” He could hear her grinning. “I think we can make it even better.”

“Really,” Artemis said, his breath shallow. “How so?”

Juliet grazed his earlobe with her teeth. “Wanna fuck?”

His erection throbbed. “ _Yes_.”

Juliet laid him flat on his back. She sat up above him and slipped off her panties, revealing the sand-colored patch of hair below her navel.

Artemis took off his own boxers, his cock sticking straight into the air. Artemis was aware that his penis was of a fairly average size; the sight of it was unlikely to take a woman’s breath away. But he had other skills he hoped she would appreciate.

Juliet had picked up the condom from where he’d left it on the couch. Artemis held out his hand, assuming that _he_ would be putting it on, but Juliet tore open the small packet and took out the condom. She inspected it studiously, turning it to make sure it was rolled in the right direction, then leaned over and rolled it onto his shaft.

She grinned down at him, her eyes sparkling seductively. “Ready?”

“Absolutely.”

Juliet swung her leg around to his other side, positioning herself above his hips. She used her hand to guide his member inside her as she slid down his length. Both of them emitted a moan as he was enveloped in her tight, embracing muscles. She rested her hands on his chest as she slowly began to move, rolling her hips into his.

There were few things Artemis loved more than a woman on top. Partly because he was lazy, but also because it was irresistibly sexy. Of course, being inside her felt incredible enough. But the thought of Juliet seizing the reins, taking her pleasure and doing with him as she pleased… it nearly drove him wild.

Juliet was getting into it now, picking up the pace as she slid up and down his length. Artemis admired her full breasts as she bobbed above him. The view being another key advantage of this position. He moved his hands up her thick thighs, to her shapely ass, caressing her curves.

“You like this?” Juliet said in a breathy voice.

“ _God_ , yes,” Artemis groaned. He yearned for more, though. He thrust his hips up to meet hers. Juliet responded by bucking more firmly against him.

Both of them were making small noises in tandem with their thrusts, breathing hard with the effort. Artemis usually prided himself on his intellect, but at the moment he could barely string a coherent thought together. Nothing in the world seemed to exist apart from the two of them. He could feel the intensity building in his lower region; it wouldn’t be long.

“Juliet,” he said breathlessly, “I’m sorry I said we had nothing in common. It’s not true. We’re both complete fucking freaks in the bedroom.”

“That’s all we need,” Juliet grinned as she rode his bucking hips. “Do you think you can come like this?”

Artemis had to laugh, which was rather difficult, given their present situation. “Yes, is the answer to that question.”

Juliet entwined her fingers with his, pinning his hands up above his shoulders as she fucked him. Artemis was perilously close to the edge. He wanted to grasp her hips and pull them into his, but she kept his hands pinned above him, prolonging his state of sublime pleasure and torturous anticipation.

“ _Oh,_ fuck.” His climax wasn’t the slightest bit dignified. A cry tore from his throat, his face contorting in ecstasy as he surrendered to the intense wave of pleasure, straining against Juliet’s hands as he came inside of her.

By the time he finally returned to Earth, Juliet had lifted off of him, and was cleaning him off with a tissue.

She gave him a peck on the lips before getting up, wearing a self-satisfied smile.

Artemis let himself sink into the couch cushions, a feeling of peace washing over him. He couldn’t seem to recall what he had been so worried about before, nor was he much inclined to remember what it was. Interesting how an earth-shattering orgasm could change your entire perspective.

He could have easily drifted off into a post-orgasmic slumber. But _that_ would not have been very gentlemanly.

Juliet had returned to lounge next to him. He turned to kiss her. Then he moved her onto her back as she gave him a curious look.

Artemis straddled her on all fours, his knees on either side of her hips. “Get comfortable,” he said, before kissing her again.

“Oh, um, okay,” Juliet said, raising her brows.

Artemis kissed her from her collarbone, down to her navel. He looked up one last time. Their eyes connected, Juliet’s gaze melting.

Artemis gently parted her knees and settled onto his stomach between them. He kissed her below the navel, then kissed her inner thighs. He spread her open with his hands in a diamond shape, and admired her beautiful body. She was open to him now, ready to take the pleasure he was about to give her.

He brushed his tongue against her clit as Juliet shivered beneath him. His tongue was soft as a feather as he circled it around the swollen bud, taking in her intoxicating scent. After some time, he moved lower, venturing deeper into her folds. Juliet squirmed, thrusting her hips up to meet his mouth, but he kept a firm grip on her inner thighs, holding her steady and spreading her wide.

Venturing lower still, he plunged his tongue inside her entrance. “ _Mmh,_ Artemis,” Juliet whined, squirming harder as he plundered her with his tongue. She ran her fingers through his hair, his scalp tingling pleasantly.

He moved back up to her clit, his tongue flicking more firmly now. He slipped two fingers inside her, pressing against her g-spot.

“Oh, god, yes, don’t stop,” Juliet gasped, grasping a fistful of his hair.

 _Not for all the world,_ he thought, as he continued to work his tongue relentlessly over her swollen clit.

“Oh- fuck- _unh!_ ” Juliet gasped as her walls contracted around his fingers. She pried him off of her, her beautiful breasts lifting into the air as she arched her back, writhing in ecstasy. She looked so beautiful, Artemis thought, like an angel falling from the skies.

Juliet’s breasts were still heaving, her eyes pressed shut as she lay sprawled across the couch. Artemis collapsed beside her, finally succumbing to a wave of post-coital drowsiness, feeling the warmth of her body against his.

Artemis’s thoughts seemed to come in the form of fluffy clouds drifting across his mind. Questions rumbled below the surface, questions that would need answering.

Later. He would answer them later.

He was drifting somewhere between wakefulness and dreaming when Juliet finally broke the silence. “I never thought I could connect with someone like this in such a short time,” she said softly.

“Neither did I,” Artemis admitted. A curious thought occurred to him. “But what if it’s Stockholm syndrome?”

Juliet turned to him with a look of confusion. “Stockholm syndrome? But that’s for kidnapping victims, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Artemis said patiently, “but it’s a similar concept. You’re isolated with someone, so you start falling in love with them.”

Juliet turned onto her stomach and propped herself onto her elbows, compressing her flawless breasts. She stared down at him in frustration. “See, this is what your problem is,” she said impatiently. And with that, she climbed off the couch and strode to the bathroom, her perfect ass retreating behind her. Artemis suddenly felt like a jerk.

“Oh, come on, Juliet,” he called after her. “It was a joke.”

Juliet closed the door of the bathroom and locked it with a _click._

 _Excellent job,_ Artemis thought irately to himself. It took a true genius to sabotage such a lovely afternoon.

Artemis heard the sound of water spraying from the showerhead. He located his boxers and trousers, and pulled on his shirt, not bothering to button it. Then he sat back on the carpet with his back to the couch to contemplate the depths of his idiocy.

A few minutes later, Juliet emerged from the shower, wrapped in a white towel tucked under her arms that just barely covered her hips. She didn’t spare a glance towards him as she strode to the bookshelf, picked up _Pride and Prejudice_ , and gingerly sat on the edge of an armchair to read.

“I’m sorry, Juliet,” Artemis said. “I have a terrible habit of playing devil’s advocate. It’s incredibly tiresome. But I didn’t mean it.”

Juliet continued to ignore him, apparently absorbed in her book.

Artemis sat back with a sigh. He had, as they say, fucked up. Though he hadn’t been entirely joking. He did suspect that the only reason she was hooking up with him was because they were stuck in a bunker together. There was no way in hell she would have ever gone for him in the wild, so to speak.

But would _he_ have gone for _her?_ Artemis had to admit, he hadn’t given her enough credit through the years. She was Butler’s spunky, athletic little sister, proficient in several forms of martial arts. But she was also very smart- perhaps not as academically inclined as he was, but even he could appreciate that not all intelligent people were at Oxford. She was refreshingly down-to-earth, which was not something he could say for himself. And she was kind, generous, and warm- far more so than he was.

Artemis had always imagined himself with the kind of girl who did ballet and played piano, who got top marks and wore expensive brands, who was a bit above it all. Someone like Victoria. But perhaps he had been too narrow in his criteria.

 _Victoria._ He hadn’t thought of her all afternoon. Assuming they ever got out of the bunker, Artemis could hardly imagine hooking up with Victoria after all this. If she did want to see him again before they graduated, he supposed her feelings might be a bit hurt if he closed the book on their physical relationship. Whatever her feelings towards him, he was certain she had always imagined _she_ would be the one to end things, not him. Then again, she might be relieved.

Juliet was studiously reading her book, leaning forward over her crossed legs, her golden hair falling in pretty ringlets over her face. Artemis admired her long, toned legs and her strong shoulders. If she looked this good in a towel, he imagined how stunning she would look in a Dior gown.

Perhaps he could coax her into speaking to him again. He had to try, at least.

“Juliet,” he said, “are you getting hungry? I don’t believe you’ve had the opportunity to fully appreciate my culinary skills. I make an incredible rehydrated lasagna.”

Juliet’s gaze was still glued to the page, but the corner of her mouth twitched in spite of herself.

“Or perhaps a beef stroganoff,” he continued. “Three bean chili with macaroni? Truly, no recipe is too ambitious for my talents.”

At last, Juliet snapped the book shut. “You’re doing the dishes.”


	6. And Throw Away the Key

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to @JustAnotherBlonde for the beta read and feedback!!

They selected an herbed mushroom “risotto,” which wasn’t half bad. By the time they’d finished eating, Juliet seemed to have mostly forgiven him for his earlier remark, though whether it was out of the kindness of her heart or out of the necessity of being stuck together, he couldn’t quite say.

After they’d cleaned up, Artemis made them two cups of lemongrass tea. They lounged on the carpet drinking their tea, Artemis feeling quite cozy.

He still felt the need to compensate for his earlier blunder. “I have to say,” he said, “despite the circumstances, I am really enjoying this. Perhaps that’s wrong, seeing as our friends are in danger. But if anything good has come of this, it’s been the chance to spend time with you.”

Juliet smiled, a tad bashfully. “That’s sweet of you,” she said. “And… I enjoyed this afternoon.”

The corner of Artemis’s lip curled upward as he recalled their tryst. “So did I.”

“You know, you’re pretty good, Fowl.”

Her compliment warmed him to the tips of his ears, but he tried to keep his cool. “So are you,” he said. “I mean that,” he added, when she looked at him skeptically. “You’re really fun, Juliet.” With her, he didn’t feel like he needed to worry about acting a certain way or appearing too keen. Being with Juliet was… genuinely enjoyable.

Juliet smiled modestly, gazing into her mug of tea. “You’re very… generous.”

He raised his brows. “Really.”

“Oh, yeah. A lot of guys will do like a minute or two of foreplay before getting down to business, but after they’re done, it’s like they forget that you haven’t come yet.”

They didn’t forget, Artemis knew. The average man took around three to five minutes to climax; the average woman took closer to twenty. Still, he was surprised that these men didn’t have an extra fifteen minutes to please the women they were sleeping with. The female anatomy wasn’t exactly simple, but it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. And yet sometimes, he wondered.

“At least we didn’t get walked in on by your brother,” Artemis pointed out. “I’m pretty sure he would have killed me on the spot.”

Juliet laughed. “It’s not like that. Dom can be protective, but it’s not like he goes around murdering my lovers. He did rough up one of my boyfriends a little, but that was a special case. Learned his lesson, though.” She innocently sipped her tea.

Artemis half believed her until she threw her head back in a fit of giggles. _Glad one of us is finding this funny._

“Oh please,” Juliet said. “It’s not like we’re a mob family.” She smirked. “Unlike yours.”

Artemis could have seen the dig coming from a mile away. “ _Ex_ -mob family, thank you.”

“Yeah, whatever. Honestly though,” she said more seriously, “I’d be more worried about your parents.”

Artemis furrowed his brow. “ _My_ parents.”

“I mean, Dom and I… we’re kind of like, servants, right?”

Artemis was taken aback, even a bit hurt. Though Butler and Juliet had technically been in service to his family, he considered them loyal friends. Certainly far more than _servants._

But he could see her point. “ _If_ I were to introduce you to my family as my girlfriend,” he said, “that’s how they would see you. It’s not like they expect me to find a stratospherically wealthy person.”

“But they probably have higher expectations for you than a personal trainer,” Juliet pointed out.

“My father was an international criminal,” Artemis reminded her. “He gave up a lot of wealth when he walked away from that life. Look, I get what you’re saying. But I can’t imagine they would be anything other than thrilled with… whomever I ended up with. And if there is an issue, I’ll talk to them.”

Artemis had the sensation of taking a step without knowing whether your feet would land on solid ground. It was strange and a bit terrifying to already be discussing the idea of announcing their relationship to his family when they’d been romantically involved for all of a few hours. Assuming they ever got out of the bunker, Artemis would be returning to Oxford for another two months, and he had no idea where his post-graduation plans would take him. Not to mention that Juliet would no doubt come to her senses and forget about him as soon as she got back to her own flat in Dublin.

Neither of them seemed to know what to say next. In any case, it seemed they weren’t about to put a label on their relationship that evening. “So,” Artemis said, eager to change the subject, “what should we do now? I believe it’s your turn to decide.” 

“Really?” Juliet arched a brow. “I was pretty sure the events of this afternoon were _my_ idea.”

_A fair point._ Now that they had taken the edge off their sexual tension, perhaps they could move at a more… romantic pace. “All right,” he said. “How about a massage?”

They pulled out the sofa back into a bed, outfitting it with bedsheets and pillows. Juliet had stripped down to her panties and lay face down on the mattress. After lowering the lights, Artemis had gone to the chest of drawers and retrieved a bottle of body lotion. And a condom, just in case.

Artemis straddled her, sitting lightly on her bum as he pumped some of the lotion into his hands. He warmed it for a moment in his palms, then spread it over her shoulder blades, pressing his thumbs and fingers into her muscles.

Juliet let out a groan of contentment. “Where did you learn to do this? A book?”

“More from practical experience.” Artemis was hardly above a little pampering when the opportunity arose, and he’d picked up a few techniques from various spas he’d visited in his travels. “Let me know how the pressure is.” 

“Harder,” Juliet said firmly. Artemis obliged her, his thumbs digging deeper into her back muscles. Years of piano practice had given him fairly well-developed hand muscles, despite his general lack of athleticism.

He located a tight knot inside her shoulder blade. “Do you want me to work this out?”

“Have at it.”

Artemis ran his thumb over the knot a few times, then pressed into the knob. Juliet tensed slightly, breathing a small gasp. “Too hard?” he asked her.

“No,” Juliet said. “Keep going.”

Artemis hesitated. “Are you _sure?_ ”

“I’m a delicate fucking flower, Artemis.”

_Got it._ He pressed his thumb back into the knot. Juliet tensed almost imperceptibly, but he knew she was putting on a brave face.

Finally, he eased up on the knot and kneaded his hands further down her back. Then he pressed his palms firmly into the tops of her buttocks, a notorious spot for holding tension. Juliet groaned drowsily.

He moved his hands down further yet, running them over her smooth, round ass. He took a moment to caress her perfect buttocks over her panties, feeling himself harden inside his boxers.

Somewhat reluctantly, he continued his explorations downwards, moving to her upper thighs. He pulled them apart, just slightly, and massaged her inner thighs with his thumbs, just below the sweet spot between her legs. Juliet whimpered with desire; she parted her legs further as if to invite his touch. But he wanted to hold off on satisfying her. Just a while longer.

He moved down her toned, muscular legs, down to her feet. Juliet groaned blissfully as he moved his thumbs across the bottoms of her feet.

She turned around to face him, looking a bit flushed and rather glowing. “Your turn?” she grinned.

“Oh,” Artemis said. “Sure.”

Artemis practically melted into the mattress at Juliet’s first touch, groaning as her thumbs slid across the back of his neck. “Oh my God, Juliet. How did you get so good at this?” And he thought _he’d_ been doing a decent job.

“I do know a thing or two about muscle groups,” Juliet pointed out. “We’d get massages all the time on the pro wrestling circuit.”

Artemis could hardly listen to a word she was saying. She was massaging his scalp now with all ten fingers, a tingling web of sensation spreading across his head. His hair would be a laughable mess, but oh my fucking _God_.

She worked her way down his shoulders, to his hands, and then down his back. Artemis seemed to have lost the ability to move, completely at the mercy of her deft, capable hands. When she massaged his buttocks, he prayed she’d never stop.

And when she turned him over onto his back, his erection was sticking straight as a flagpole.

It was a fairly typical side effect of a massage, likely due to the increase in circulation more than anything. But somehow he was still a bit self-conscious of it, even now.

“Um,” Artemis said, by way of explanation.

But Juliet was already tying her hair behind her head, the corner of her mouth twisting into a grin. “Wanna make it a happy ending?”

“Sure,” Artemis said, trying to sound casual as his heart leapt. “Whatever ending you like.”

Juliet hooked her thumbs into the waistband of his boxers. He lifted his hips so she could slide them off, lifting the waistband up over his erection.

She leaned over him to brush her soft lips lightly against his, then moved down to run her tongue over his nipples, and he swore he would come from this alone. As she moved down to his abdomen, he reached back for a pillow and propped up his head so he could get a better view.

Juliet sighed airily as she began nibbling at the tip of his cock, which twitched at the feel of her lips. Her bewitching eyes connected with his. Her gaze sent an electric current through him.

She gradually began to roll her tongue over the head of his cock. When she finally moved her lips all the way down his shaft, taking his length into her warm, wet mouth, Artemis was in heaven. With just the right amount of suction, she glided her lips up and down his shaft, one hand gently cupping his balls. Artemis was suspended in a state of sublime bliss. He wished this could last forever.

He wasn’t going to last much longer, though. “I’m going to come,” he warned her, barely managing to keep his voice from hitching.

But Juliet kept sucking his cock, slowly enough to draw it out, but hard enough to keep him moving steadily towards the edge. He was hit with a mixture of excitement and panic as he realized he was going to come hard, right into this girl’s mouth. He hadn’t actually come in someone’s mouth before. This… would be new.

He couldn’t hold it back any longer, had to succumb to the crashing wave about to hit…

“Oh- fuck- _mmf._ ” He bit his bottom lip to keep from crying out, grasping handfuls of bedsheets as a flash of ecstasy obliterated his every thought. Hot cum shot out of his cock, filling Juliet’s mouth.

Artemis dropped his head back against the pillow, caught up in a post-orgasmic daze. Juliet got up, leaving him to slowly gather his thoughts from where they’d been scattered across the universe.

Juliet returned, sitting back onto the bed with a glass of water.

With some effort, Artemis sat up, and kissed her. “Done with this?” he said, taking the glass of water and setting it on the ground next to the bed.

“Yeah,” Juliet said, looking at him curiously as she turned him onto her back.

“Good.” He slipped his fingers under the waistband of her panties. “Because I think it’s time for these to come off.”

“Oh, okay,” Juliet said, with a hint of surprise.

“Tell me when you’re getting close,” he said as he spread her knees.

“Wait, why?” Juliet said, as he began to run his tongue against her. “Is this some sort of corny simultaneous orgasm thing?”

_We’ll see how corny it is in a few minutes,_ Artemis thought. But he was hardly in a position to respond, seeing as his face was buried in Juliet’s pussy.

“Well it won’t- _unh_ \- work,” Juliet managed to say. “I know my body, Artemis. And it’s- _anh_ \- not gonna happen.”

_Whatever you say,_ Artemis thought, as he patiently worked his tongue around her clit.

“I can never come from- _hunh_ – penetration,” she was saying, as she lifted her hips to meet his mouth. “Oh. _Mmm._ Keep doing that.”

Artemis serviced her in slow, lingering strokes, gently fucking her with two fingers, until she pressed a palm to his forehead.

“Okay, I’m really close,” she said.

Artemis lifted himself up. He took a swig from the glass of water next to the couch.

Then he picked up the condom. “Shall we?”

“Yeah,” Juliet said weakly, her gaze trailing over his hardened cock. Three times in one day was probably some sort of a record for him. But somehow he was more insatiable than usual.

Artemis gave himself a couple of pumps with his hand, then rolled on the condom.

He positioned himself on top of Juliet, settling onto his elbows on either side of her shoulders, moving her legs further apart with his knees. Locking his gaze with hers, he eased himself into her.

A moan escaped both of their lips. He began to move inside of her, slowly, tenderly, savoring the longing, vulnerable look in her beautiful eyes. He wanted this to last, never wanted it to end. Except that he also wanted to make her come, hard, to lose composure entirely in his arms.

Artemis gazed into her pretty blue eyes as he thrust gently into her, her hips undulating softly beneath him.

Then a realization hit him. _Wait._ Was he… falling in _love_ with her? That would be ridiculous. They’d been together for all of two days. And yet, as they made love, their gazes locked, he felt an intensity of emotion unlike anything he had ever experienced.

He was flooded with a mix of terror and wonderment. This was potentially very bad. And also very, very good.

Artemis brushed his fingers along the side of her face, twirling a strand of her hair in his hand. “You’re so beautiful.”

Juliet smiled up at him, her eyes alit. “Thanks,” she said. “So are you.”

He kissed her passionately, thrusting deeper into her as she moaned into his mouth. He gradually thrust harder. Juliet’s breath was coming in gasps now, her eyes losing focus.

“Come for me,” he said, his lips brushing against her ear.

“ _Mmh_ , Artemis,” Juliet whimpered, her hips rocking up to meet his, grinding her clit against him.

He was _so_ fucking close, but he had to hold back. He fucked her faster, willing to send her over the edge.

Finally, she lost it. “Unh, _fuck,_ ” she cried, her face contorting in ecstasy as her walls contracted sharply around him.

“ _Oh._ ” The world dissolved in a flash of euphoria as he came deep inside of her. He pressed his mouth against hers, their cries mingling together.

When it was done, he rolled off of her onto the bed, breathing hard.

“Okay,” Juliet panted, as they lay splayed out onto the bed. “You win. That was good.”

Artemis felt the need to say something clever, but all he could come up with was, “Did that count as a workout?”

“Nice try,” Juliet said slyly. “How’s your Stockholm syndrome?”

Artemis’s lip curled upwards. “If this is Stockholm syndrome, you can tie me up and throw away the key.”

Juliet chuckled wryly and playfully brushed her finger on the edge of his nose. “Next time, babe.”


	7. Exit Strategy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, many thanks to @JustAnotherBlonde for the beta read and feedback!

Artemis awoke the next morning, a smile spreading across his lips as he recalled the night before. The dim nightlight in the bathroom cast a low glow over the bunker. He turned to where Juliet was snoring gently beside him, sprawled over most of the mattress, where she had commandeered the majority of the covers over the course of the night.

He could get used to this.

He was just contemplating going back to sleep when he heard the first click of the vault.

A wave of terror jolted him out of bed. “Juliet,” he hissed. “Get up!” He yanked the sheet from underneath her, waking her with a start.

“Get _up_ ,” he repeated, bundling up the blankets and pillows.

With the second click of the lock, Juliet’s eyes finally lit up with alarm.

Artemis flicked on the lights as they frantically searched for their clothes. Juliet threw his trousers at his head; he found her t-shirt where it had been lodged behind the couch and hastily tossed it over to her.

“Artemis, Juliet,” came Butler’s voice. “Are you all right? We’re coming!”

“Yes, everything’s fine,” Artemis called as he frantically buttoned his shirt.

And then the door swung open. There stood Butler, with Captain Holly Short hovering above his shoulder.

Butler surveyed the two of them in surprise. His gaze trailed from Artemis’s messy hair to his horribly wrinkled shirt. Artemis only then realized that he’d missed the top two buttons so that the shirt was obviously askance. The bodyguard’s eyes then wandered over to his younger sister, who was trying to look composed perched at the edge of an armchair, her tangled blonde hair looking like it could comfortably nest a family of birds. She had pulled her t-shirt on too quickly, and a bright pink corner of her bra was clearly visible.

Holly Short raised her brows in devilish amusement. Artemis silently begged her not to say anything.

Juliet broke the silence in the room. “Dom!” she cried, running over to Butler and throwing her arms around him.

Tears gathered in Butler’s eyes as he hugged his little sister tight. “Juliet. I’m so glad you’re all right.”

“Of course we are,” Juliet said cheerfully. “This bunker was designed to withstand any calamity. I’m so relieved that both of you are safe and sound.”

Artemis awkwardly strode over to their friends. But if there was any discomfort, Butler didn’t show it. He swept Artemis up in a massive hug, lifting his feet off the ground.

“Artemis,” Butler said in his ear. “I was so worried about both of you.”

“No need,” Artemis said brightly once he’d reached the ground. “I must give credit to whoever prepared this room. The whiskey was a particularly nice touch.”

Butler scanned the disorderly bunker with a frown. “I’ll ask the maids to come in here later today,” he said. Artemis made a note to replace the open box of condoms before anyone noticed.

“Wow, Artemis, I’m impressed,” Holly said with a devious grin as they made their way down the servants’ corridor. “I had no idea you were such a ladies’ man.”

“Shut up,” Artemis said through gritted teeth.

Juliet was walking ahead of them, chatting animatedly with Butler. It already felt as though she were drifting away from him, the real world fast infiltrating the refuge they had created together. Part of him wanted desperately to pull her into an embrace and kiss her, to remind her of what they had.

But another part of him thought he should let it be. He would be going back to Oxford in a few days, and he wouldn't be back for another two months. Not a very long time in the grand scheme of things, but plenty of time for Juliet to meet someone new. What was the point of trying to start something now?

But if he did nothing, he would almost certainly lose her.

Sunlight- _real_ sunlight- tripped down the stairs. Artemis had an urge to rush out onto the grounds, to greedily drink in the sun and the fresh air.

They reached the top of the staircase and proceeded into the sun-dappled foyer. “Well, now that you’re both safe,” Butler said, wiping a leftover tear from his eye, “I was thinking of making some breakfast. Perhaps a tomato and goat cheese frittata along with currant scones and strawberry jam?”

“Ooh, your breakfasts are the best, Dom,” Juliet said eagerly. “I can’t wait for real food after surviving off astronaut rations for the past three days.”

Butler beamed at her. “Well in that case, I should get cooking. I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.” He smiled benignly at Artemis- apparently, his brain hadn’t yet caught up with the incriminating evidence from earlier- then retreated back down the staircase to the kitchens.

Holly hastily looked between Artemis and Juliet. “Um… I should… check in with Foaly,” she said, and flew up the master staircase to some far corner of the manor.

Juliet lingered in the foyer, turning on her phone, no doubt eager to respond to the messages she’d missed while they were in the bunker. The two of them were alone, at least for a moment. Who knew when Artemis would get another chance?

_It’s now or never._ Artemis gathered his courage, steeling himself for the worst.

“Juliet,” he said, stepping towards her.

Juliet looked up. “Yes?”

Artemis willed himself to maintain the appearance of calm despite the maelstrom in his stomach. “I’m thinking of sticking around for a few days before heading back to Oxford,” he said evenly. “There’s a pizza place in Dublin I’ve been meaning to try. What would you say to getting dinner?”


End file.
